Aw, is that the biggest blade you've got?

Now keep in mind this preface as you read my story: Random people tend to want to fight me without obvious provocation. Dedicated readers will remember an incident at Bailey's last year involving a cripple and a football player. I digress. I don't know what it is about me. Maybe people can tell I'm a smartass just by looking at me. Who knows.

Anyhow the preface is this "I know that I have a way of getting myself into these situations, but I don't believe this is one of them."

So, this evening Matt and I are driving back to my place from Sequoia Hills. Its around 12:15. We were gonna smoke some cigars and watch a movie, play some pool/ping-pong (thats right, the new house is loaded with bar games, so come-one-come-all to West Knoxville) and just generally chill.

We're pulling up to the light at Kingston Pike and Northshore, heading West. There is a car stopped at the red light ahead of me about 30 yards, and I'm getting cash out of my wallet so that Lamberth can grab me some cigarettes. I wasn't wearing a shirt for no particular reason. Showing off I guess.

Well, I'm slowly rolling towards the light and I hear someone honk behind me. They are RIGHT on my ass. I can't see much, but I can see its a piece-of-shit car, and a guy in the front seat with his hat cocked to the right (like the kids are doing these days) and I obviously don't know this person. He continues to roll right up on my ass and honk, and I throw my hands up with a "Whats the deal dude" gesture.

He was not amused.

He pulled into the left turn lane and pulled up next to me. Unfortunatly for him (and lending him even less credibility as a threat) he pulled up to far, so he had to roll down the passenger side rear window to yell at me. Mind you his seat was far enough back he was almost sitting in the back seat anyways (you know, like the kids are doing these days). Well, he starts yelling and I again give a friendly "What the fuck is your problem" gesture hoping perhaps this young man will explain his eratic behavior. I thought maybe he'd say "Listen Chap! Nobody, and I mean nobody, puts an Alabama sticker on their car in MY city!" or perhaps "Hey Friend, your gas tank is open, perhaps you ought to place your automobile in the parked position and step out of the car to close it. If you'd prefer, I could get that for you since you look like a nice enough fella."

Alas, I don't think that was what he was trying to say to me. Honestly, I still have no idea what he was pissed about, but I figured that the situation was tense, and I was honestly worried that he might have a gun. I looked up to see if I had "an out" i.e. a place to go if things got crazy. I didn't. I was boxed in. All I could think was "lets keep this guy calm."

Then I look over to see Lamberth demonstrating the length of his middle finger to the guy, as if to say "fuck you!" (which is actually exactly what he was saying). This made Eminem (as we will call him) very angry and in a showing of brute "badass-ness" he pulled a 3.5 inch blade and flashed it to us. At this point Lamberth and I look at each other and can't help but laugh. I mean hell, we're in a car! What's he going to do?

Well, he was in the turn lane and I, in a friendly manner mind you, indicated that perhaps he best be getting on his way. Surprisingly he did. He made the left and I thought we were done. When we drove through the interesection though, we saw him pull a U-Turn and head back towards us. He caught us two blocks later and I waited for him to get right up on us before slamming on my breaks sending him a few hundered yards past me and I turned onto my favorite back road route.

The moral of the story? There are a few I guess. First, people are fucking crazy. Second, always know some alternative routes to your house, cause hey - you never know. Third, do not pull a three inch blade on two dudes in a car. I mean seriously, even if we got out of our car (which I did a block after we had turned - to get my aluminum baseball bat) what could he really do? With my bat he couldn't have gotten close enough to cut me, and even if he got lucky and threw the PERFECT THROW and took one of us out, he was then unarmed and one of us was going to be insanely angry and dangerous - and holding a bat. Finally, people suck, don't expect anything more out of them and you won't be so heartbroken as you travel through the dangerous roads of life.

What a punk. Yo Slim Shady - if you read this (which would impress me, because nothing about my brief interaction with you indicated you can read) - come get some bitch. 8527 Carl Valentine Cir. I'll be here with my bat, and my cats, and a beating for your ass. What a joke.

Stay Tuned...

The Job Search

For those of you who, like your favorite bloggers, are entering their final year of law school, the prospects of finding a job after school can seem particularly...nauseating.

For those of you who, like some of your favorite bloggers, attend schools with less-than-stellar career services centers, the prospects can deteriorate to downright frightening.

Fear not fellow law students, your fate and future is in your hands.

Here are some steps you can take to get your own job search rolling:

You need a "packet" - think of it like promoting a movie...you've got to have "a preview" with the right balance of materials that will cause a law firm recruiter to say "I'd like to see more of this."

You have to figure out for yourself what to include, but my packet includes: a resume, unofficial transcript, cover letter, list of professional references (and in my cover letter I tell them that "a writing sample is available upon request" because I don't send them too much material at once).

Make a list of all the cities in which you are interested in practicing law.

Decide what "types" of firms you want to target.

Google or Martindale-Hubble your way to a list of firms in your cities that meet your criteria.

Most firms will have a "career" section on their website, they will provide you with most of the information you need through this frame.

Start contacting the "recruiter" at these firms, and prepare your "packet" to be sent. Personalize each cover letter and for god's sake make sure you send the right cover letter to the right firm!

Send your packets early in your third year, the earlier the better. Pre-Thanksgiving is a must.

Set up meetings for lunch, or drinks, with any attorney that you've had a chance to work with during law school. Keep in mind that there are two ways to approach this meeting:

(1) The Right Way - You are not coming to this attorney expecting that they will give you a job, rather you are coming to this attorney because you have such respect for their career and practice, that you think they might be able to help you compile a list of people to contact around the area. You want to have their expertise in telling you which firms are worth contacting, and which firms are an embarrassment to the practice of law. You want their guidance, and maybe if you're lucky they will be willing to write you a letter. Don't ask them for a job, but rather show them how desirable you are as a candidate by talking to them about your hire-ability with other firms. If you're such a good candidate that they are willing to write a letter to another firm in support of, they will surly stop and ask themselves if it would be a mistake to send you off into the world when they could bring you in to their offices instead. Is it deceitful? Absolutely not, you are genuine in what you are asking them for, but there is nothing wrong with hoping they won't turn around and make you an offer themselves.

(2) The Wrong Way - Setting up the lunch to ask them for a job. You will only hurt your rapport with the attorney if they get the feeling that you're objective is to take advantage of your relationship with them by pressuring them into getting you work at their firm. Don't do it. If they think you'd be a good candidate, then they will make you an offer or suggest that you speak to a particular person in their firm. Stick to "The Right Way", supra.

Now you wait. All you need is an interview. You have to have the belief that if you can get yourself into an interview room, you can convince anyone that you're the right man/woman for the job.

Good Luck.

Stay Tuned...

Automobile X Prize

Finally someone has put up the money to get developers working on a new engine.

The only problem is that their goal is 100 miles/gallon.

Thats a remarkable achievment, don't get me wrong, but its still fossil fuel based energy, and still leaves us dependent on the stability (or instability) of foreign providers.

The target date for a completed automobile is 2009, with peer reviews starting in 2008.

Its a step in the right directon, but not the "leap" I was hoping for.

Here's more information: Click Here

Stay Tuned...

Love Sports? Feel like Law School gets in the way of being a Fan?

Thanks to your friends at the National Basketball Association ("NBA"), the National Football League ("NFL"), and Major League Baseball ("MLB") you can study for law school and keep up with the latest news on ESPN.com all at the same time!!!

Need to work on Criminal Law? Why don't you try to think of a defense for Michael Vick! If that's too easy, and you want to move onto something more complex, "Sports Defense" (a new field, not to be confused with actually playing defense, and a term coined and owned by yours truly) has a more challenging case study for you: Pac-man Jones! Don't know how to handle multiple charges all over the country at the same time? Watch ESPN's SPORTSCENTER to find out how you can shuffle court dates in Nashville, Las Vegas, and North Georgia so that you're client can be where he needs to be, when he needs to be there [note, this is not true if "where he needs to be" is suiting up for his team's game and "when he needs to be there" is every Sunday].

Those of you fortunate enough to attend one of the higher-class State Schools may have a chance to get in on the ground floor with an up-and-coming deviant. Just look at U.T., a football roster just over flowing with potential clients. Successfully defend one of these rising-stars and you're sure to get an A+ in Criminal Law. Its like they say about the weather: "Run out of people to defend? Wait a few minutes, football practice is about to get out."

Find even that to be too boring? Test your hand with R.I.C.O. law. That's right, the NBA has offered you a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to get a crash course in Racketeering. Want to know how people fix sporting events? Curious how an NBA Referee could become the squeeze point of a New England Mob Family? Want to know how to protect your client from the shame and humiliation that will accompany being outed as the "devastator of our most trusted profession." Wait . . . Don't we usually yell at the Ref for getting it wrong? Hey, NBA Officials have always made Lawyers look trustworthy!

Want to get some real "pre-trial litigation" experience? Follow the ever-present B.A.L.C.O Grand-Jury testimony, and accompanying Congressional Hearings. Its a unique look at the interplay between our Federal Government and Professional Sports. We are lucky that the good people on Capital Hill could make time for our lesson all while cleaning up the nation's past-time.

Yes, you may think that being a Law Student means that you won't have time for sports anymore. You may think that you'll just have to catch a box-score or two when you can. Maybe you'll get to watch the playoffs (Tough chance, it's ALWAYS exam time when Football and Basketball count). Well think again, thanks to today's modern role-models and the 24-hour news cycle, you can keep up with Sports and study for those midterms all at once.

Remember, SPORTSCENTER is conveniently aired for 8 straight hours overnight, just to accommodate your study schedule.


Stay Tuned...

Roger Clemens, 2057

Roger Clemens shows up at Brian Cashman, Jr.'s office demanding to pitch this year. 2057.

It's a funny video.

If you have a sense of humor.

And like baseball.

And hate the Yankees.

And are in the mood to laugh at silly things.

And such.

Stay Tuned...

LOST:

(**no spoilers here**)

You did it again.

Just when I thought I might be done with you, you did it again.

Last nights season finale might have been the best two-hours of television this season.

What a welcome return to what the show used to (and is supposed to) be about.

If you're not a LOST watcher, you've got about 8 months to rent/watch Season 1 and Season 2.

I'm sure season 3 will be out just in time for christmas.

But be ready in January.

LOST is (and will be) back.

Stay Tuned...

Being a Grizzlies Fan...

It hurts.

I know, Boston Celtics, they've sure had it rough, blah blah blah.

I'm sorry, they won like 16 titles in 30 years at one point.

So its been a rough decade or two.

I feel ya, really.

But we've got it worse.

And on top of that the top 2 picks are going to the Western Conference.

This might have been it. This draft lottery, the bounce of these balls, the 25%. The 46.5%. The 35.7%.

It hurts.

What's the future of the team in Memphis now? Who's gonna coach us? Who's gonna be the GM?

Yi? Al? Corey? Mike?

They could be good basketball players. They could be great basketball players. You never know. But they won't fix things tomorrow. Or June 28. Or November 1. Or next April.

Greg, Kevin, totally could have gotten that done.

Its a tough time for Grizzles Fans. Its a tough time for the Grizzlies Organization. Now the Grizzlies, and the Fans have to ask for patience from the city. See, its one thing to get upset with the team when they make a mistake. Its easy to quit on a team when the coach is slowing things down and making the games boring. Its easy to quit on a team when they trade the wrong parts of their team for something they didn't really need.

This is not the teams fault. This one just went the other way. Karma. Fortune. Fate. Luck. Chance. It is what it is, but its not the teams fault.

We've still got a lot of good things going on here. Gasol has started to get the respect he deserves around the league, and from the press. Now he just needs to get it from the people of Memphis.

Rudy Gay showed great promise throughout the season. He started to put it together down the stretch, and he has every ounce of the potential he had a year ago.

Mike Miller has just started to come into his own the last two seasons, and he's ready to go places.

We've got the most cap room of any team in the NBA this summer (or close to it) and can go out and pick up the free agent point guard or center we need.

Did you forget how exciting it was to watch Kyle Lowry play the first 10 games?

And we still have a number 4 pick.

Yi is a seven-footer who has drawn comparisons to Dirk Nowitzki. He already speaks english, and he's got a huge following in China. You want to turn the City of Memphis around? Add 1.5 billion grizzlies fans to the tourism bottom line. That'd be nice.

Al Horford, not as exciting, but he is NBA ready. He's a good defensive player, but raw offensively. And he's a six-foot-nine power forward/center. We've got about 4 of those on our team don't we? (see also, Lawrence Roberts, Hakim Warrick, Alexander Johnson, Stromile Swift).

Mike Conley, Jr. could be a star, but 4 seems a bit high to take him.

There are other options. You think that Pau Gasol couldn't bring a talented PG and a first round pick or two? If you're going to draft a Yi, he easily replaces Pau Gasol at the power forward position.

If you do draft Yi, the question is do you play Pau at the 5 where he seems uninterested in rebounding, shot blocking, or defending the post. You'd like to think that a starting five of Free Agent PG (Billups?), Mike Miller, Rudy Gay, Yi Jianlain, and Pau Gasol could be productive.

I don't know.

I don't know what will happen to this team. Its a mess. We're going to need some luck, and we're going to need some faith from the locals, and we're going to need some more time.

But there are still a lot of good things going on here, and we'll get it together.

But its still the 4th pick.

Not the 1st.

Not the 2nd.

Not even the 3rd.

Also not the 9th.

Here are some links for your reading pleasure:
The Current Memphis Grizzlies Roster
NBADraft.net Mock Draft
NBA Draft Machine - Do It Yourself Draft
HoopsHype.com Mock Draft
Coverage by The Commercial Appeal

Stay Tuned...