Bush turns to an old punching bag...

John Kerry.

Story.

Kerry told a group of college students that they had better do well in school, or they would find themselves "stuck in Iraq."

Now Bush is right, its not the time or place to take a shot at those who are brave enough to serve our country in a Iraq.

On the other hand, Kerry made it clear immediately thereafter that he was making a joke about the President, not about the troops.

He was making a statement about our job market.

He was making a statement about our education system.

He was making a statement about the limited options our youth have today.

He was making a joke about the President's domestic and foreign policy.

And Bush turned it into Kerry being un-American.

"The senator's suggestion that the men and women of our military are somehow uneducated is insulting and shameful," Bush said. "The men and women who serve in our all-volunteer armed forces are plenty smart and are serving because they are patriots -- and Senator Kerry owes them an apology."

I'm confused because, if I remember the facts correctly, John Kerry served our country in a time of war.

George W. Bush did not.

Wow, I just had an flashback to this time 2 years ago.

What does it say about the President that he is still busy taking shots at John Kerry instead of working out any number of our major crisis?

I'm not saying that Kerry's joke was in good taste, or even funny, but I don't understand why President Bush is involved in this discussion.

Former U.S. Sen. Max Cleland of Georgia defended Kerry:

"John Kerry is a patriot who has fought tooth and nail for veterans ever since he came home from Vietnam. He has stood with his brothers in arms unlike this administration, which exploits our troops to make a political point and divide America,"

Same old shit.

Stay Tuned...

Criticism -- an Integral Part of Democracy.

Justice Stephen Breyer and retired Justice Sandra Day O'Connor say criticism is part of a democracy.

Both a current and former Supreme Court justice told CNN they are not unaware of the criticism aimed at them, but they said such criticism is an integral part of life in a democracy.

Story

This is a feel good story, as 67% of Americans polled have said that elected officials should not have more control measures over federal judges.

Only 30% said they should.

41% of Americans felt that federal judges had the proper political balance and influence, where 34% felt they are too liberal, and 20% said they were too conservative.

This looks like one of the primary "battle cries" of the conservatives has failed to find an audience.

No one is buying the "activist-liberal judge" crisis.

Now we just need some of these people to show up and vote.

Stay Tuned...

“A world without walls is the only sustainable world. . ."

President Bush, in one of the most weakly veiled political misdirections of recent memory, signed into law the "Secure Fence Act of 2006." The plan calls for a 700-mile fence to be constructed along approximately 1/3 of the United States southern border with Mexico.

Mexican President Vincente Fox is outraged.

We've seen other countries put up fences and walls.

Israel has had to construct walls to protect itself from a "tough neighborhood".

Israeli concern is that if they don't protect themselves, they will be flooded with Islamic Fundamentalist who wish to blow themselves up in crowded areas, killing hundreds of Israelis.

China has a wall.

They built it to keep out the Mongolian invaders, who had been kicking Chinese ass for a long time.

The Germans fortified their country in about...1936.

That was a sign of positive things.

North Korea and South Korea are divided by all types of protective walls.

Most of them are in the form of land-mines.

Fences aren't good for International Relations.

Take a look at what the OAS had to say:

The Organization of American States released a statement Wednesday from Mexico and 27 regional countries expressing "deep concern" over the fence measure. The statement further called the proposal "a unilateral measure that goes against the spirit of understanding that should characterize how shared problems between neighboring countries are handled and that affects cooperation in the hemisphere."

CNN.com

Fear not Canadians...we've not forgotten you!

The legislation included this little gem:

(a) In General- The Secretary of Homeland Security shall conduct a study on the feasibility of a state of-the-art infrastructure security system along the northern international land and maritime border of the United States and shall include in the study--

(1) the necessity of implementing such a system;
(2) the feasibility of implementing such a system; and
(3) the economic impact implementing such a system will have along the northern border.

Its a P.R. disaster.

This country is being run like Ford Motor Co. but with a greater deficit.

This doesn't do much to endear us to the world, or quell International Concerns that we are a bunch of nationalist zealots.

There is nothing wrong with Patriotism.

But there is nothing inherently patriotic about building a fence.

There is something inherently patriotic about questioning your governments decisions, and speaking up if you disagree.

I know I'll be tagged as a super-liberal for this quote, but:

“A world without walls is the only sustainable world. . . . If the world is dominated by people who believe that their races, their religions, their ethnic differences are the most important factors, then a huge number of people will perish in this century.”
-- Bill Clinton

The biggest problem I have with this law and that the GOP claim to have "made a significant step towards correcting our immigration problems", is that they didn't fund its construction.

The act provides no funding mechanism for the fence, though a $1.2 billion appropriation was approved as part of a bill the president signed this month. There are no concrete numbers, but estimates suggest the fence would cost twice that amount. The earlier bill, however, stipulates that the $1.2 billion could be used for a fence, lighting, vehicle barriers and high-tech equipment.

CNN.com

Thats right.

Its nothing but another unfunded mandate.

Something that looks good in the GOP trophy case, but is totally fraudulent.

Kind of like No Child Left Behind.

The President and Congress did this with the big "conversion from analog to digital broadcasting" bill too.

Story.

Its a ploy by Bush and the GOP leadership in Congress to make it look as though they have accomplished one of the goals they set forth.

It would be one of the first.

And it makes them look less incompetent to the voters.

It makes the GOP look like they can make good on their word, and address one of the issues that Americans have identified as a serious problem in coming years.

So good for them, they passed the bill.

Now who's going to pay it?

There is no fence.

Don't expect to see construction begin anytime soon.

But hey, the headlines are just what they need, unless the Media pays attention and makes an issue of the funding.

Is that so much to ask?

Stay Tuned...

Damnit Geoff Calkins...

I love Geoff Calkins.

I read everything he writes for The Commercial Appeal in Memphis.

He is a Harvard Law grad who, after a few years of practice, decided that he really wanted to be a sports writer.

He landed in the mid-south, and adopted Memphis as his home.

He's been a great advocate for the city, from a sports writing perspective.

His story has inspired me.

As a law student, its nice to think that maybe one day I will get paid to do something more pleasurable than drafting briefs...

Its his style that inspired mine.

He is quippy, short, witty, and knowledgeable.

But today he pissed me off.

Here is the article

The Memphis Grizzlies are going through a difficult transition.

I don't mean to say that the local sports writers job is to "tow the company line" or anything like that.

He is a journalist first, and has a duty to say what he thinks is the truth.

And I don't disagree with him, in all honesty.

But its bad for the city to be so blusterous towards the pending sale of the Grizzlies.

The generally uneducated readers will come away with nothing but a negative impression of Brian Davis, the new owner.

Maybe the glove fits.

But going out and pushing that attitude on the city is going to lead to even harder times.

Its certainly not good for ticket sales.

It certainly doesn't set up the new ownership group to start off on a positive foot.

It certainly doesn't drum up civic support for a team that, in all honesty, is probably in for a long season.

It certainly doesn't help quell fears that the team might leave Memphis.

It really creates a situation where, the attitude that results from the article (actually, its been a series of articles) may bring about the very end we all fear.

Self-fulfilling prophecies are tough.

Geoff, your job as a writer is to write the truth. I'm not trying to suggest that you failed to do that.

But Geoff...a little less venom might be good for the city you've called home for the last 10 years.

Please?

Stay Tuned...

SPAD Public Service Announcement:

Strangers don't care how drunk you are.

Last night at Sunspot, we were having a pretty low-key night.

We'd all had a long day, and figured a bottle of wine would be a good way to relax.

It was.

It went well for a while.

Then, "Whitney" showed up.

"Whitney" was really really intoxicated.

No one had met "Whitney" before last night.

However, "Whitney" was very excited to see Chrissy and Lindsey.

"Whitney" was awkwardly physical with the girls.

"Whitney" dragged the girls back to her table to talk to her other drunk friends.

"Whitney" couldn't look you in the eye.

"Whitney" wouldn't shut up about how drunk she was.

"Whitney" was the most obnoxious thing I've seen at Sunspot since...well...last week.

Its one thing to walk up to a friend and say "Hey, (insert friends name here), I've had a lot to drink. I think I'm drunk."

Its another thing to just walk around a bar, telling strangers that you're intoxicated.

No one cares.

And you're only embarrassing yourself when you walk around the bar, making a big public issue of your drunkenness, and then get yourself forcibly removed from the bar while everyone you talked to watches.

Awk-ward!

The moral of the story?

Tell your friends, they care.

And if you don't have friends, you probably don't need to be in the bar drinking on a Wednesday.

But that is a public service announcement for another day.



Oh, just in case, Good Morning Your Honor!




Stay Tuned...

Things that are wrong with America v. 5

"Anti-Piracy Badges" for Boy Scouts in California.

The Music and Movie industry has successfuly gotten a new badge added to the Boy Scouts of America list of awards.

What does one have to do to get this merit badge?

Troops will choose from a number of activities that qualify them to earn a "Respect Copyrights" patch. Activities include creating a public service announcement demonstrating the importance of copyright protection or visiting a movie studio to learn about people, time and costs required to make a movie, as well as the economic impact the movie industry has on the state of California.

For more information on this...click here


Stay Tuned...

The "Very" End...

I was ranted to recently by someone who took issue with the phrase "at the very end".

He felt that if its "the end", then there is no varying extent.

There is no "very end" only an "end".

President Bush made a similar statement (in theme) today.

President Bush said Wednesday that the U.S. will win the war in Iraq "unless we leave before the job is done."

No shit?

You mean, if we stay until the job is done, we will win?

Is that what that means?

And anything short of that is losing right?

Losing American lives.

Losing Iraqi lives.

Losing American money.

Losing Iraqi confidence.

Losing control.

President Bush said Wednesday that the U.S. will win the war in Iraq "unless we leave before the job is done."

You don't say.

So, the week the White House backs off the "stay the course" tag as the "company line" the President comes back out a few days later and basically says the same thing.

"unless we leave before the job is done."

Maybe what we really want is for "the job" to be defined.

Does that mean that when there is a sufficient Iraqi security force?

Does that mean when we don't face a civil war in Iraq?

Does that mean that when the Iraqi's have to have a functional Democracy?

Does that mean that when there are no more Iraqi citizen's dying in the crossfire?

Now its over 100 Iraqi's per day.

What number of Iraqi's per day would be a "job" well done?

80?

40?

Dare I say, 0?

If "unless we leave before the job is done" is the company line, then define the job.

Thus far, the powers that be have claimed to have a plan they are ready to start executing to get out of Iraq "with the job done".

They just wont tell us until AFTER the American people have gone to the polls in what the President has described as "a referendum on security and the economy."

I think that most Americans believe our "security" begins and ends in Iraq.

If we quell the insurgency, protect the Iraqi's, and successfully instal a democracy, it is supposed to kick-start peace and democracy throughout the region.

If we fail to do those things, we've done nothing but create "Afghanistan circa 2000...on STEROIDS"

A nation that will ultimately train and pump out thousands of fundamentalist that seek to do the American people and the American way of life harm.

So, President Bush said Wednesday that the U.S. will win the war in Iraq "unless we leave before the job is done."

Lets get to the point George...what is the job?

The American people deserve to know what your criteria are before we go to the polls to decide if you and your G.O.P. "crew" get to hold all the cards for the next 2 years.

Be upfront with us.

Be honest with us.

Let the American people make an informed decision about the direction our country is going.

Let the American people have all the facts before they decide what is right for our nation.

Stay Tuned...

Opening Statements of the Defendant Joe Mitchell

Opening Statements – Defense of Joe Mitchell

Ladies and Gentleman of the Jury, my name is Jonathan May, and I represent Joe Mitchell, the defendant in these proceedings. This is a case about mistaken identity, wishful thinking, and circumstance. On September 10, 2002 it was dark and rainy. While Joe Mitchell was at his apartment on Fillmore St. listening to his favorite radio program, his wife, Leslie Mitchell was tragically murdered. The only person who claims to have seen Joe at the scene of the crime is Brooke Thompson, Leslie Mitchell’s stepmother, who hated Joe and had spent the two years leading up to her death trying to get Joe out of Mrs. Thompson and Leslie’s lives.

Members of the jury, the State will present their case first, and at the conclusion of their case, I will stand before you and show you the evidence that didn’t fit their story. I will show you that Joe is innocent. I ask you be patient, as you will certainly be presented with a large amount of information, but keep an open mind, and when these proceedings are over, you will have little doubt of the innocence of Joe Mitchell. I know you’re anxious to get started, and to find out what this case is about, so let me tell you about Joe and Leslie.

Joe and Leslie met in the fall of 2000, and dated for almost a year when, in 2001 they decided that they wanted to spend their lives together. From the very beginning Leslie’s stepmother didn’t approve of their relationship, and was unsupportive. She plead with Leslie not to marry the man she loved, and even skipped her own daughters wedding. Joe and Leslie were happy to be together, and begin their life together at 50 Jackson Street. Leslie worked at a bank, and Joe focused on his career as a writer while working at a gas station. They lived comfortably, and Leslie was very supportive of Joe’s writing. She believed he had a future writing murder-mystery stories for TV. She had even encouraged Joe to quit his job at the local gas station so he could work full time on his writing.

All the while Mrs. Thompson, Leslie’s stepmother, tried to pull the young lovers apart. She insisted that Joe was “good for nothing” and a “bum” and that Leslie shouldn’t be supporting him. She would say these things when Joe and Leslie would visit the house on Madison where Leslie had grown up and Mrs. Thompson was still residing. She would confront Joe in front of Leslie and tell him that he was lazy, no good, and trying to live off Leslie.

After a while, Joe stopped visiting Mrs. Thompson with Leslie because he couldn’t take the abuse and was uncomfortable being treated the way he was treated. As it turned out, once Mrs. Thompson got Leslie alone, she started to have a negative impact on Leslie, and Leslie began to wonder if Joe’s writing was a mistake. Leslie began to push Joe to “get a real job” and told Joe he should give up his dream of writing.

Mrs. Thompson was successful in breaking the marriage up, and after a year of marriage, Leslie moved back into the house on Madison. Joe did what any man would do, he visited Leslie regularly and tried to make things right with his wife. He was prevented from doing so because Mrs. Thompson would refuse to leave the two adults to have a conversation. She insisted on being in the room when they spoke, and did her best to antagonize Joe when he visited.

Needless to say, this was a difficult situation for Joe. Joe was crushed, and convinced that Mrs. Thompson was the reason that he and Leslie couldn’t work things out. He loved Leslie, and wanted to spend the rest of his life with her. The last time he went to the house to visit was on September 9, 2002. Around 9 o’clock Joe went to speak to Leslie, to ask her to come back home and be with him. Mrs. Thompson still interfered, and Joe said that he was through trying. He was regretful that things hadn’t worked out, and saddened by the loss of his love. Was he angry? Of course. Wouldn’t you be angry if the woman you loved was turned against you? Was he angry enough to kill the woman he loved? Absolutely not.

On September 10, 2002, Joe received a check in the mail. An advance for a TV script he had written. This was the first time Joe had been paid for his writing, and he was excited to share the news with Leslie. Despite the fact he had said that they were finished, he felt that the change in his economic and professional situation might be just the kind of positive catalyst that he needed to show Leslie that it was not time to give up on their dreams, or their future.

The situation couldn’t have been better, as this day was also Leslie’s birthday. Joe was elated. He saw this as the perfect storm of circumstances to reconcile and start fresh with Leslie. He set of to spend the money and buy presents for Leslie. Joe bought a 5 lb box of chocolates and that night, he went to the house on Madison to visit Leslie. As usual, it was Mrs. Thompson that met him at the door. Something was strange though. Mrs. Thompson had always been very protective of Leslie, and insisted on being present whenever the two were speaking. Yet for some reason, this evening, Mrs. Thompson told Joe that he could find Leslie at the Palace Theater, the movie theater some 5 blocks away that Joe and Leslie often attended movies. Joe asked when she would return, and Mrs. Thompson said that she would be back at 10:10pm. Strange time to give isn’t it?

Joe set out from the house on Madison for the Palace Theater. When he arrived, he found that Leslie’s childhood friend Quinn Washington was working the box-office, and he purchased a ticket to the same movie that Leslie was in, and decided to wait until she got out of the movie so he could share the exciting news about his writing. Joe took a seat outside the theater and waited. As time passed, Joe did what all of us do, he thought about his situation. He thought about how things had been so good with he and Leslie, and about how Mrs. Thompson had gone to such length to disrupt that. He didn’t understand what would drive a woman to ruin her own stepdaughter’s relationship, marriage, and future. Joe got frustrated, and decided that he should get out of the movie theater, go get a beer, collect himself, and talk to Leslie when the time was right.

Joe went to the Silver Dollar bar, he sat down and spent the next hour having a few beers and chatting with the bartender and other patrons. Around 9:30 Joe decided that he had enough, and wanted to make it home for his favorite radio program, “The Shadow”. On the way home, he had to pass Chris Ravena’s gun shop, where he had left his .38 Caliber revolver to be cleaned and serviced. He went in, talked to Chris, picked up his gun, and went home to get out of his wet clothes and listen to The Shadow.

Joe was home when the show started at 10 pm, Mrs. Porter, the woman who runs the house that Joe lives in heard him come in just a few minutes before then. About 10:15, Joe went downstairs to get some aspirin for a headache that wouldn’t go away. He talked to Mrs. Porter. He returned to his room to listen to the radio and at 10:45, the police showed up.

Joe was informed that his wife had been shoot, and immediately he became concerned that she was in serious trouble. He asked if she was still alive, and the police couldn’t tell him one way or the other. Joe was devastated, but understood why the police had come to him. He had been writing murder mysteries long enough to understand that the estranged husband was the first place the police would look. He understood that it was important that he cooperate, because he had nothing to hide from the police.

Joe was nothing but cooperative for the police over the rest of the night, when he finally got word that Leslie had succumbed to her injuries, Joe tried to step outside to get some air. Understandably, the desk sergeant that saw Joe leaving was concerned about his motives for walking outside, and stopped him. It was at this point that Joe was placed under arrest.

I said to you a few minutes ago that this was case of mistaken identity, wishful thinking, and circumstance. Mrs. Thompson mistakenly identified Joe as the shooter that night because Mrs. Thompson wanted to see Joe when she looked at that car. She wanted it to be Joe that had pulled the trigger. It would validate all of her concerns about Joe and Leslie, and it would put Joe Mitchell in prison for the rest of his life. Even if you remove the motive of Mrs. Thompson to point to Joe in the shooting, the conditions that evening were not conducive to a positive ID being made. It had been raining all night, there was no moon and heavy cloud cover. The car was supposedly parked on a dark part of the street, and by many accounts, this was the darkest night people can remember. It is almost unfathomable that a positive ID could be made from 35 feet away in these conditions.

I said this was a case of circumstance because there is no question that the circumstances surrounding Leslie’s shooting bring about important questions to be answered by Joe Mitchell. The fact that Joe disliked Mrs. Thompson, and that Joe had felt betrayed by Leslie, and the fact that Joe owns a gun are all circumstantial evidence that in no way place Joe at the scene of the crime. Lets be honest here, Joe has been writing murder-mystery novels and screenplays for years. If Joe wanted to kill Leslie, he could do a much better job than this. He visited a gun shop just a half hour before the killing? That doesn’t fit the profile of someone who is attempting to get away with murder. He visited the house on Madison, and went to the theater looking for Leslie. That doesn’t fit the profile of someone trying to get away with murder. There are other people out there with motive to kill Leslie. There are other people out there with the means to do so. There are other people who can be colored guilty by the same type of circumstantial evidence that the State is relying on in this case. But that doesn’t make them guilty. Nor does it make Joe Mitchell guilty.

Ladies and Gentleman of the Jury, at the end of this trial you will see that Joe didn’t do shoot his wife. Joe Mitchell is not guilty of the crime of Murder, and the State has the burden of proving, beyond any reasonable doubt, that Joe was the shooter on Madison that night. At the end of these proceedings, you will have sincere doubts about whether Joe was at the house on Madison at the time of the shooting. The state will fail to meet that burden because the facts don’t support the conclusion. You will see that there is no eyewitness other than Mrs. Thompson, who by her own admission hates Joe Mitchell. Mrs. Porter will tell you that Joe was home at the time of the shooting. The forensics will show that the gun in Joe’s possession was not proven to be the murder weapon. The time line doesn’t fit, the facts don’t fit, and the person responsible for Leslie’s tragic murder, and for stealing away the love of Joe’s life is still walking free today. Joe Mitchell did not kill his wife.

Stay Tuned...

The Worst Rated Player in Madden 2007...responds

This is a letter sent by Ethan Albright, long-snapper for the Washington Redskins, to John Madden regarding EA Sports decision to make him the LOWEST RATED PLAYER in the game.

Be advised, the language may be offensive to some

To: John Madden
CC: Electronic Arts Sports
From: Ethan Albright
Re: Being the worst rated player on Madden ‘07

Hi, John, my name is Ethan Albright. I play line for the Washington Redskins. You probably already knew that, so I’ll continue. I am writing in regards to the overall player rating of 53 that I have received in Madden NFL Football 2007. I feel that this is fucking bullshit and you should kiss my mother-fucking ass. Ahmed Carroll was rated a 78 and the Packers just cut his ass on a Tuesday morning after his performance in a Monday night game. That is pretty terrible. The worst part is that his overall rating was sniffing 80.

You know what, John? Two can play this game. I rate you a fucking 12. I rate you a fucking 12 in Ethan Albright Football 2000-ever… except for in the category of ball-licking. That is where I will spot you a 98 rating. You will receive this score because I will never give your blubbery ass a 99 in any category. Take that, pencil-dick. Go do Al Micheals or something. Boom.

It’s also pretty wonderful that my awareness rating was 59. You make it sound like I wake up in the morning, helplessly shit and piss myself, then lose three of my teeth before I discover that I am trying to eat a rock for breakfast. Fuck, John, I understand you saying that I am slow and lacking athleticism, but a rating like this pretty much labels me as retarded. Rod “He Hate Me” Smart has a 52 in this category. Electronic Arts is saying that seven rating points separate me and the breathing embodiment of the perfect oxymoron. Rod Smart struggled to arrange words in sentence form. Cave men had better hold of the English language. The only actions that separate point values of ignorance at this embarrassing level are things like using your own toothbrush to wipe your ass. I basically edged out Rod by my lack of shit teeth. If I take a night school class, could you bump me up to a 60?

I guess I just can’t fathom the fact that I am the absolute worst player rated out of the entire NFL. Fuck, man, there are some shitty guys out there. Amongst everyone, I was rated the absolute worst.

I have received the impression that you feel that I am lacking in the agility category. I should consider a walk through my living room where I don’t crash through a wall or kick over furniture a resounding success. My agility rating on your game is 33. It makes it sound like I just topple over if I start walking too fast. Ted Washington is rated a 40 in agility. He is listed at 365 pounds. If Ted Washington tied a white lady up and made her wear a metal bikini, he’d look just like Jabba the Hut.

John, you are such a fucking dick. I also noticed that my kick return rating was a 0. I was rated a fucking zero? So you feel that I shouldn’t even receive a 10, or even a 5? You are pretty much saying that I couldn’t even fall forward on a ball kicked in my direction. I would just stand there and let the ball bounce off of my fucking face. Fuck that, John, I returned an onside kick 6 yards in 2002. You should have just slapped a - 4 on me and had the EA staff ambush me with paintball guns.

Finally, I would like to comment on an unlikely topic, my pass coverage ratings. I see that I am a better at man-to-man coverage (31) than zone (21). Fuck me sideways with a lunchbox. Where did these scores even come from? How much time is spent coming up with the pass coverage ratings of offensive lineman? Can I have that job? Let’s see here, I think that Orlando Pace would be slightly better at jumping intermediate routes than Larry Allen. While I’m at it, I can assign the passing ratings
for offensive lineman as well. I can use mine as a guide.

I was rated with a throwing power of 17 and accuracy of 16. Orlando Pace has a 22 power and 17 accuracy rating. Did someone at EA really put time into figuring out that Orlando Pace edges out Ethan Albright in both throwing power and accuracy? I will challenge him any day. My horrible passer ratings are of greatest misfortune to my son, Red Beard Jr. The poor boy is not only hideously ugly and covered by freakishly large freckles. He also has to suffer through playing catch with me and my senile-elderly-woman-type passer ratings. A session of tossing the pigskin usually consists of me missing my son by thirty yards in sporadic directions. I led him in front of a fire truck once and my wife kicked my ass. This is because of my 76 toughness rating. Yes, a 76 is far better than the other ratings, but I’m a fucking lineman, damn it. NFL Linemen are considered to be synonymous with toughness. According to your game, I am a retarded, uncoordinated, pussy-ass fuckwad that can’t fall on a kickoff, throw, or spell. I am, however, slightly better at manning up on a receiver than dropping into zone coverage. You lose your mind more and more each year, old man.

Fuck you, John. Please expect to find red pubes in various meals you consume for the rest of your life. If you fuck with Ethan Albright, you call down the thunder.

Rot in Hell,

Ethan Albright

Could be the funniest thing I've read in a while.

I am particularly sympathetic because Lawrence Roberts (of my very own Memphis Grizzlies) was rated the WORST PLAYER in EA Sports NBA 2007.

Hard to imagine putting a guy who played in only 23 NBA games in his rookie year all the way at the bottom.

The guy was a star at every level, and will be a servicable backup PF in the NBA for a good number of years.

When sent back to the NBDL last year to get some minutes, the kid averaged 20.3 points and 9.4 rebounds per game.

Its a nonsense issue, but, the letter is funny.

Kandel thinks that it is fake.

I'll let you decide.

(What am I, Fox News?)

Stay Tuned...

Lets go Tigers!!

Yeah, the Braves aren't playing, but, its still the World Series.

Frankly, I'm getting used to the WS happening without Atlanta.

How can you not root for the Tigers here though?

Now I understand if you are a true Cardinals fan, and I don't mean to imply that you shouldn't be cheering on St. Louis.

I just mean the rest of the MLB world.

So you're a Yankee's fan, and the Tigers knocked your boys out of the playoffs.

Its still the American League, you can get behind that right?

Support the Designated Hitter?

No?

The Tigers haven't done ANYTHING in over twenty years.

You can get behind that right?

No?

I forgot, Yankee's fans are self-absorbed assholes.

No sense of "rooting for the underdog" because they get used to seeing over-payed 'roid heads in pinstripes.

The Tigers are the good guys.

The feel good story of the playoffs.

Neigh, of the entire MLB '06 season.

Pudge, Bonderman, The Gambler...

How can you not love them.

Unless your a NYY/STL fan.

Anyways, so Detroit sits down, 2 games to 1, with two more in St. Louis.

Here's hoping this series makes it to Detroit!

Lets Go Tigers!

Stay Tuned...

Was it worth it?

Hell yes it was.

To have seen Kyle sitting in class wearing the KD jersey would have been worth it.

When you make a bet, you take a risk.

I lost.

What can I say.

I feel dirty.

I'm dizzy from the orange that has engulfed my peripheral vision.

And Doug Blaze called me out in class.

That was fun.

On the bright side, my 3-hour Trial Practice class was moved from today to tomorrow, which means that when this class is over (or in exactly 57 minutes) I will be off the hook and out of the orange jersey.

At least I had my U of A hat to mitigate the damages.

The fact that it is #16 just adds insult to injury.

What a hideous color!

Stay Tuned...

Alabama leads 43-36-7

Third Saturday in October by Daniel Moore

Yes.

We lost.

I know.

I heard.

I was there.

And you were all kind enough to remind me.

Over and over.

And over.

But, Alabama leads 43-36-7 in the all-time series.

A bad 'Bama team came to Knoxville and had the lead for 56 minutes.

A bad 'Bama team came to Knoxville and played great defense against a strong and talented offense.

A bad 'Bama team came to Knoxville and almost won.

I'll take my licks.

Go ahead and talk whatever shit you need to talk.

I will smile, and say "good game though huh?"

I'm a fan.

A football fan.

An Alabama fan.

I'll take my licks.

But don't forget...

Alabama leads 43-36-7.

We have 12 National Titles (1925, 1926, 1930, 1934, 1941, 1961, 1964, 1965, 1973, 1978, 1979, 1992).

UT has 6 (1938, 1940, 1950, 1951, 1967, 1998).**

We have 21 SEC championships.

UT has 13.

We have 31 10-win seasons.

UT has 18.

We have 53 bowl appearances.

UT has 45.

We have 30 bowl victories.

UT has 24.

So, we were decimated only 4 years ago by sanctions, scandal, and losing football.

I'll take where we are right now.

We're young, but competitive.

We're young, but a few minutes of bad football away from being 7-1.

We're young, but getting better.

We've got a coach that has brought "family" back to the Capstone.

We've got a coach that believes in building a program the right way, one step at a time.

We've got a coach that, while maybe is too conservative in the red-zone, is getting better every week.

If Keith Brown and D.J. Hall stick around next year to pay with a more mature JPW, Nikita Stover, and Jimmy Johns, we could be pretty nasty on offense.

I'll take my licks.

But I'm an Alabama fan.

At the end of the day, we're still better than you are.

Roll Tide Roll!

Stay Tuned...






**Should have won in 1966 as UA was the only undefeated team in the country.

Gang Land

So, we've played "Sniff Bum" where you try to sneak up behind someone and get a picture of you sniffing their bum.

Its SoWo's game.

Don't blame me for how weird it is.

We've also all done the "bunny ears" thing.

Thats immature, cliche, and worn-out.

Now we have created "Gang Land"

The premise is simple.

Get behind some friend while they are getting a picture taken, and get a gun to their head.

You want to do it without being found out.

The pictures are MUCH better if they don't realize whats going on and are just smiling with their friends.

If they do catch you, don't give up. You have a gun to their head, what can they do!

You should try to look serious.

This is an assassination, after all.

And you want full extention on the gun.

Its more dramatic.

Oh, for clairification purposes...use your fingers as a gun.

A real gun might be a touch too much...

So I challenge the world, go out, play Gang Land, post pictures.

Post them on facebook.

Name the album "Gang Land" or "Gang Land 2" etc.

We here at UT law look forward to seeing you kill your friends.

In pictures at least.

I mean, not really kill them.

God...you've got to spell it out for some people.

Stay Tuned...

It happens to all of us...

We all go through rough times.

We all face adversity.

We all hurt.

We all struggle.

Then days like this make you understand why we keep going.

It feels good to come out the other end of a long tunnel.

And find sunshine.

Stay Tuned...

I did it!

It has been too long since something good has happened to me.

It has been too long since I've received some recognition for being a total fucking rock star.

It has been too long since someone gave me a chance.

Today I shined.

My closing was mind-blowing.

My direct was sincere.

My cross could have been a little better.

It didn't matter.

They recognize talent when they see it.

And now I'm a member of the 2006-2007 ATLA Moot Court Team.

Thanks to all of you who took the time to listen to me go through my closing statement in the last 24 hours, I couldn't have honed it without you!

Now I just need Alabama to beat UT this weekend.

A full report on WHY Alabama will win the game will come in the days ahead.

Stay Tuned...

Closing Statements

Ladies and Gentleman, my client, Robert Simmons, is not guilty of Murder and Robbery, the crimes for which he has been charged and tried. In fact, he was not present at the Stardust Lounge on June 11, 2005, the night that Walter McLaughlin was tragically killed. In a bar full of patrons, there is only one person who claims to be able to place Robert at the scene, Charles Gordon. Who is Charles Gordon? The State's star witness is a career criminal. Mr. Gordon has admitted in these proceedings that he shot Mr. McLaughlin from point-blank range with a .38 calibur snub nosed revolver. He has been convicted of 4 prior crimes including Larceny, Grand Larceny, Robbery, and Attempted Robbery. He has on three seperate occasions served time for his crimes. Now, when facing a potential life sentance for the murder of Walter McLaughlin, Charles Gordon has pointed to my client, a man with no prior criminal record, as the culprit.

Mr. Gordon claimed in his testimony that Robert had stolen $72.00 from a patron of the bar during the robbery, prior to the shooting of Mr. McLaughlin. In his testimony he also admitted that in his extensive criminal experience, when you rob someone, you have to be close enough to them to be identified. No patrons in the Stardust Lounge identified Robert as being present that evening.

Ladies and Gentleman, in my experience a zebra doesn't change its stripes. If I am faced with, on one hand, the testimony of a career criminal facing life in prision trying to save his hide, and on the other hand the testmimony of a man with no prior criminal record and a series of facts that support the position that Robert was not at the scene of the crime, I believe in Robert Simmons innocence.

You also have heard the testimony of Fred Hollis. Mr. Hollis testified that he was at Henry Richardson's apartment the day after Charles Gordon shot Mr. McLaughlin. Mr. Hollis testified that he was not in the room for the majority of the conversation. The only thing that Mr. Hollis could positivly testify to was that the men were arguing about Charles Gordon shooting a man. Mr. Hollis did not say that the men were arguing over who shot Mr. McLaughlin, but rather arguing about Gordon shooting him. Mr. Gordon and Robert are friends. This was simply a group of friends discussing what Charles Gordon had done the night before. There is nothing about the conversation that Mr. Hollis testifed to that incriminates Robert as a party to this crime.

Ladies and Gentleman, the state of Justice has the burden of proving that my client, Robert Simmons, beyond a reasonable doubt, is guilty of the murder of Walter McLaughlin, and the robbery of the Stardust Lounge on June 11, 2005. The record will reflect that they have failed to meet that burden. I implore you that you must find my client not guilty. I cannot thank you enough for your patience in listening to testimony here, and I understand that you have an extensive amount of evidence to review when you get to your deliberations. You have the life of an innocent man, Robert Simmons, in your hands. I believe in his innocence, and when you review the record, so will you.

Stay Tuned...

I used to think Charlie Brown was an idiot...

Then I let a girl I trust hold the football.

Now I understand.

I'm sure next time Lucy will let him kick it...

Probably not.

Better luck next time Charlie Brown!

What is really sick is the look of joy on her face everytime she gains his trust and pulls the football away.

Poor Charlie Brown.

What a schmuck.

Stay Tuned...

Americans finally show signs of intelligent life...

In a new CNN/Gallup poll, only 25% of voters said that the Mark Foley scandal was "extremely important" in their decision making process.

I guess this is a good sign that 75% of us have our priorities in line and can put something this silly behind us.

Don't get me wrong, there is nothing trivial about inappropriate relations with a child.
what is

The next 4-6 years will make or break America's future on the world stage.

I don't know about you, but I don't want to tell my grandchildren stories about the "good 'ole days" when America was a super-power and respected on the world stage.

I don't want to reminisce fondly to the days when at least most of us had healthcare, jobs, and an education.

I don't want to sound like Tony Blair's grandparents probably sounded telling the youth in the 60's about the U.K.'s glory days.

But hey, what is wrong with the 25% who do think that Foley is "extremely important"?

God help us if that 25% is 50% of the 50% that vote!

Stay Tuned...

The Democrats are guilty too...

I don't want my readers to think that I am so biased in my liberal philosophy that I won't point out when the Democrats are guilty of indiscretion too.

I support the Democrats because they are the alternative that best suits my political beliefs and also have any actual political clout.

Am I a Libertarian?

Maybe.

Green party?

Not so much.

I believe in the Constitution of the United States of America.

I believe in the vision of American set up by our founders.

I believe in this country and its citizens.

I believe that our nation was meant to be ruled free from Religious pre-text.

I am a Democrat because there is no other viable option.

Harry Reid (D-NV) has apparently also made some mistakes.

Story.

He apparently used $3,300 of unused campaign funding to provide Christmas Bonuses to his staff and the people who work in and around his condo at the Ritz-Carlton.

No doubt this is a problem.

Federal Campaign Finance Law strictly prohibits campaign money being used for personal benefit.

The irony is, as the Republicans desperately spend the next two weeks trying to flood the media with reports of Democratic misdeeds, this particular misdeed was actually to the benefit of everyday working Americans.

There were members of the support staff for Mr. Reid that got the bonuses they probably needed to buy gifts for their family, pay bills, and take care of other such necessities.

Its unfortunate that Mr. Reid used campaign money, but at least this instance wasn't a Senator providing no-bid construction contracts to business associates.

It wasn't a Senator using his power to get his daughter and her friend a position with Washington Lobbying firms.

Shame on you Mr. Reid.

At least its not sexual misconduct with a 15-year-old boy.

Maybe that is still to come.

Stay Tuned...

Fake Plastic Trees

"She looks like the real thing
She tastes like the real thing
My Fake Plastic Love.
But I can't help the feeling
I could blow through the ceiling
If I just turn and run
And It Wears Me Out, it wears me out
It wears me out, it wears me out.

And if I could BE who you wanted
If I could BE who you wanted,
All the time, all the time, ohhh... ohh..."

--Radiohead "Fake Plastic Trees"

Stay Tuned...

What is Insanity?

Insanity means: "To do the same thing over and over again and expect a different result."

Stay Tuned...

Congratulations America?

We are going to pass 300 Million Americans (offically) at 7:47 am Tuesday Morning.

They suggested on All Things Considered that we are going to "Celebrate the milestone".

I'm not sure I understand that.

We have a hard enough time educating the people we have.

We have a hard enough time getting the current populus the Health Care they need.

We have a hard enough time getting Americans employeed.

It took from the 1760s until 1915 to break 100 Million.

It was 1967 before we broke 200 Million.

Now in 2006 we will break 300 Million.

The Census bureau estimates that we will break 400 Million around 2037.

Im not sure we should be so excited.

On a lighter note, I never thought I'd hear "Sexy Back" on All Things Considered.

Stay Tuned...

The Daily G.O.P. Watch

The FBI raided the homes of Rep. Curt Weldon's (R-PA) daughter and a close friend Monday as it investigates whether the congressman improperly helped the pair win lobbying and consulting contracts.

Weldon, of course, failed to take responsiblity, saying that this was a poorly veiled political attack.

Weldon is locked in a tight race for re-election.

Another in a long line of Republican failures in the weeks and months leading up to a big mid-term election.

Stay Tuned...

SPAD Public Service Announcement:

I don't care if you think you are driving fast, if a car comes up behind you and there is no traffic around, GET OUT OF THE FAST LANE!

I can't tell you how many people I passed on the right tonight because they refused to get out of the fast lane.

I gave then 10 or 15 seconds.

I flashed my brights.

I passed on the right.

I hate bad drivers.

Some would argue that I am a bad driver, because I was driving fast, and passing on the right.

I would argue that I am infact an excellent driver, just aggressive.

There is a difference.

Most of the "bad" drivers are the timid ones who think they are hellians for going 78 mph on the highway.

See Also:

Come to nearly a complete stop before making a right turn.

Ride the brakes through a green light...just in case. (Abe, I am talking to you)

Look at you like you are crazy when you put your car into a narrow gap in traffic that you are comfortable dealing with beacuse you are paying attention to the road.

Can be seen yelling in their car because you pulled accross the white line at the stop light.

More common sense to come...

Stay Tuned...

North Korea - Laughing Stock of International Community

It wasn't even Nuclear.

It was probably about 500lbs of TNT.

They came out and claimed that they had successfully done the unthinkable.

They were lying.

Bluffing.

They are a joke.

Kim Jung-Il...

Laughing stock of the world.

His people are starving, and he is hanging on to the last strands of power in a country that is broke and without any long-term prospects for recovery.

Even if he lives another decade, he has neutered himself on the world stage.

In the words of Nelson...

"Ha-Ha!"


Stay Tuned...

The Republican Implosion Continues...

The G.O.P. must be an 18-Wheeler...

Because they've had a TON of them fall off recently.

Check this out, Bob Ney (R-Ohio) has pled guilty to conspiracy charges in connection with the G.O.P. Lobby King Jack Abramoff...

Link to Story

Keep up the good work Republicans. You're making it easy for us.

It took the Democrats over 40 years to spoil the good will of the American people when they had control of the House and Senate, it will have taken the G.O.P. only 12.

What was it they stood for?

Newt said they had three principles...(below each is my take on their follow-through)

1. Fiscal Responsibility

The Republican Congress and President have taken a budget surplus and turned it into the largest deficit in American history. Hardly Responsible fiscal policy. This will be the greatest shift in American politics since the 1950s, as "Fiscal Responisbility" is going to become a Democratic value. Log Cabin Republicans rejoice...

2. Moral Values

Between all the conspiracy charges, and sexual misconduct its hard to see how the G.O.P. stands for the Moral High-Ground

3. National Security

Everyone likes to blame Clinton for 9/11, but the Congress was controlled by Republicans for the 7 years leading up to that disaster, and they also play a pivotal role in National Security. Additionally, since Bush took over, we are at war in Iraq (again), Iran is close to developing a Nuclear Device, and North Korea is supposedly flaunting one.

Absolute power corrupts...Absolutely.

Stay Tuned...

What are we supposed to believe?

President Bush said North Korea "remains one of the world's leading proliferators of missile technology, including transfers to Iran and Syria."

I've seen this song and dance.

Iraq was selling and buying weapons.

How are we supposed to trust what the President tells us now?

We were lied to because President Bush wanted a war.

Are we to believe that the same wouldn't happen again?

My sensible side says: "They wouldn't dare. Not after last time."

But the rest of my says: "Oh god, here we go again."

Keep your eyes open, someone is trying to fool us.

Again.

Stay Tuned...

Congratulations President Bush

While leading the American People to believe that your administration would make American a safer place, you allowed arrogance to stand in the way of a meaningful International Dialogue, and now North Korea has successfully tested a nuclear weapon.

Party of Security Moms?

You scared all of them into voting for you, and now the emeny will probably scare them into voting against your party.

It looks like Kim Jung Il may play the political game almost as well as Karl Rove.

It must be something about short, fat, angry men.

A more full take on this tomorrow.

Its late, and I don't have the mental capacity to articulate what this means.

Something to look forward to on a Monday huh?

Stay Tuned...

An addition to my "due process" post last week...

I found this quote, and wanted to throw it out there:

"It is during our must challenging and uncertain moments that our nation's commitment to due process is most severely tested; and it is in those times that we must preserve our commitment at home to the principles for which we fight abroad."

-- Supreme Court (June, 2004)

Stay Tuned...

What does Alcohol do to the human body?

When alcohol enters the blood, it causes the blood vessels to widen. More blood flows to the skin's surface. However, the drinker's body temperature drops as the increased blood flow to the surface allows body heat to escape. People who drink alcohol in cold weather to get warm actually accomplish the opposite.

When alcohol reaches the brain, it immediately has a depressant effect. People who drink alcohol may describe the change as relaxing. What they actually experience are physical changes such as loss of sensation and a decrease in sharpness of vision, hearing, and other senses. Alcohol also affects the parts of the brain that control muscle coordination, which is why drinkers may loose their balance or stumble.

When alcohol enters the liver, the liver breaks down alcohol into energy and the waste products carbon dioxide and water. The carbon dioxide is released from the body in the lungs. The water passes out of the body as breath vapor, perspiration, or urine. When people drink alcohol faster than the liver can break it down, they become intoxicated.

The long and short of it is it wrecks your body.

Things it also wrecks:

- Your car

- The next day

- Your inter-personal relationships

- Your grades

The list is obviously meant as an illustration, and is not exhaustive.

If you have a good example of something else that Alcohol has wrecked, feel free to post it.

These are not all personal experience based examples either, so no one will judge you for your suggestion.

I hope.

Stay Tuned...

What is ALABAMA FOOTBALL

(this is not my original work, but still brings goosebumps)

It is Wallace Wade.

It is Frank Thomas.

It is Bear Bryant.

It is Gene Stallings.

It is now Mike Shula.

It is NOT Bobby Bowden, "Fat" Phil Fulmer or Dennis Franchione.

It is the Rose Bowl.

It is knowing the ONLY time Auburn can successfully beat you, is in your years of decline.

It is the Third Saturday In October Bowl.

It is the Iron Bowl.

It is naming your children and pets after former Alabama players and coaches.

It is living for the fall.

It is seeing strangers greeting you with a "Roll Tide," any time, or any place across the world.

It is having respect for anyone you see wearing Alabama attire, or anything in relation to Alabama.

It's traveling to the game and passing cars, having the passengers wave at you and giving you the thumbs up.

It's the cars lined up, miles and miles down the road traveling to the game, just as you are.

It's the feeling of anticipation as you enter into the biggest and most exciting town during the college football season, seeing tailgaters lined up down the street, miles and miles away from the football stadium.

It's making friends with every stranger you run across tailgating.

It's being at the games along with over 93,000 people, all cheering for the same team you do, and it's the feeling of being with over 93,000 of the nicest and most mutual fans you'll find anywhere.

It's after the games, thousands, millions almost seeming, of people parading the streets, all slapping you high five's and giving you "Roll Tide's."

It's leaving the games and traveling home, stopping at gas stations all over the state, and fans yelling "Roll Tide" and coming up and chatting with you about the game we all just witnessed.

It is hearing Keith Jackson call an Alabama game.

It is a feeling undescribable to others.

It is watching George Teague running down Lamar Thomas in the 1993 Sugar Bowl then rewinding it and watching it again.

It is hearing the first notes of Sweet Home Alabama.

It is the desire to beat Auburn at any competitive event that exists.

It is a houndstooth hat.

It is being "Dixie's Football Pride"

It is having enough pride to FIGHT for your school but having enough CLASS not to.

It is cheering the same amount for a first down on second and 6 as on fourth and 1.

It is watching Cornelius Bennett give Notre Dame quarterback Steve Beuerlein a concussion on that October day in Birmingham in 1986.

It is determining who you are going to date & marry by which team they swear allegiance to.

It is beating Florida in the SEC title when everone said the game in "The Swamp" was a fluke.

It is watching The Bear on the jumbotron before a game in Bryant-Denny Stadium and almost literally seeing him leaning against the goalpost in the end zone.

It is right behind God and family.

It is spending a day at The Bryant Museum and still not seeing everything.

It is cool crisp autumn Saturdays where you can smell football in the air and feel it whenever there is a slight breeze.

It is watching The Bear get number 315 against Auburn.

It is watching The Bear get number 323 against Illinois.

It is hearing Paul Kennedy do the play-by-play when Van Tiffin kicked the 52-yard field goal against Auburn in 1985.

It is remembering the feeling of the upper deck at legion field rumling due to feet stomping.

It is knowing how many days until the start of a season year around.

It is driving down Colonial Drive to see Bryant-Denny Stadium NOT the sorority girls.

It is getting chills up and down your entire body whenever you hear anything about the 1993 Sugar Bowl and the pride you feel because that night tradition ruled.

It is hearing The Bear's voice and having all the hair on the back of your neck stand straight up because even though not everyone knows what he said, everyone knows it was something special.

It is hearing The Million Dollar Band play "Yea Alabama" and knowing it just does not get any better.

It is imagining hearing Penn State Quarterback Chuck Fusina ask Alabama linebacker Barry Krauss "How close is it?" and hearing Krauss say "About an inch, you'd better pass" right before fourth down during The Goal Line Stand in the 1979 Sugar Bowl.

It is coming to tears whenever Alabama loses to Auburn or Tennessee.

It is The Kick. It is The Goal Line Stand. It is The Desperation Block.

It is PURPOSELY not wearing any clothes with the colors orange and blue.

It is the Third Saturday in October.

It is not needing an alarm clock on game days, you sit bolt upright in the bed long before the alarm goes off because you know that it is a gameday, you can sleep after the game.

It is walking into a stadium and knowing Alabama will win the game no matter who they are playing because is just the way it is supposed to be.

It is the saying "Offense wins games, Defense wins national titles."

It is the Bear Bryant 'A'.

It is getting to the stadium hours before the game just to be there.

It is walking into another team's stadium and having those fans HATE you because you are from ALABAMA.

It is the pride that a father has when he brings his children to a game so they may cherish the tradition.

It is the hit by Roman Harper in the 2005 against Tennessee that meant everthing.

It is beating LSU in Baton Rouge.

It is hearing the crunch as a linebacker dressed in crimson and white hits a running back dressed in orange and blue.

It is the pride you take in being EVERY team's rival.

It is pulling for ANY team that is playing Auburn.

It is pulling for ANY team that is playing Tennessee.

It is singing Rammer Jammer PERIOD.

It is hoping for the stadium to blow up when Auburn plays Tennessee.

It is knowing that the SEC Championship is a birthright.

It is being respected and feared at the same time.

It is holding up four fingers at the end of the third quarter.

It is not caring about a Heisman Trophy.

It is knowing what "Mama Called" means.

It is whipping Auburn 31-7 in Jordan-Hare Stadium when nobody picked you to win.

It is knowing that no matter how hard Auburn tries, they will NEVER be as respected as Alabama.

It is NOT "The Jungle"

It is The Catch.

It is having 21 SOUTHEASTERN CONFERENCE TITLES.

It is having 12 NATIONAL TITLES.

It is more than can EVER be mentioned in this list.

It is class.

It is tradition.

IT IS ALABAMA FOOTBALL.

Stay Tuned...

Lawyers rule...

Funniest Video I've seen in a LONG time

Lawyers rule...

Basically these two are about to have sex, but they stop to get "protection" in the form of a Sexual Consent form.

They also have representation.





This is worth the three and a half minutes for a few good laughs.

Stay Tuned...

Things that are wrong with America v. 4

Its taken me a while, but we finally got to FOX NEWS.

There is obviously something missing from the image I found and that would be the tag line.

We report, you decide.

Fair and Balanced

You see how, if they say that its fair and balanced, it clearly is.

It also implys that other networks are not fair, or not balanced.

Brilliant.

How about the "We report, you decide" tag.

They are right.

They report what they want you to know.

You decide to take the side that you were presented because its all you were presented.

Fox News has three distinct types of viewers.

Category 1 Fox News Viewers:

Fox News is their only source of news.

Fox News represents their political views.

Fox News provides them with a world view that validates their way of life.

They are oblivious to the fact that what comes out of Sean Hannity's mouth is not always true.

They are oblivious to the notion that Fox news is truly the voice of the right.

They belive that CNN is the liberal media.

They are generally lower middle class.

They are white.

They are not educated beyond high school and some college.

They vote Republican.

Category 2 Fox News Viewers:

They are democrats.

They watch Fox News for two reasons: (1) It infuriates them and allows them to blindly support the left in an effort to keep people like this out of power, and (2) It provides a rare glempse into the psyche of the enemy.

They don't believe a word that comes out of Sean Hannity's mouth.

They yell at Bill O'Reilly.

They generally spend their Fox News viewing time comparing it to what they read in the New York Times or watching CNN.

They are generally middle/upper Middle class.

They are generally well educated.

They are not easily racially profiled.

Category 3 Fox News Viewers:

This is the most dangerous group of viewers.

Fox News represents their political views.

Fox News provides them with a world view that validates their way of life.

They are Republicans.

They are fully aware that Fox News is neither fair, nor balanced.

They recognize the one-sided reporting because they take the time to read other news sources.

They are thrilled to see Fox "spin" the daily news because it helps assure that Category 1 viewers vote with the G.O.P.

They have a passing interest in the truth.

They believe that news is a form of entertainment, and that Fox is free to express the news as they see fit "within the facts"

They are willing to let the "within the facts" thing go sometimes, when its good for the party.

They are upper middle class, and upper class.

They are very well educated.

They are white.

They have voted straight ticket Republican since Regan ran against Carter.

Its a nasty set of circumstances.

Category 2 viewers are distrusted by the Category 1 viewers, and therefore have no chance of having rational conversation with them in hopes of helping them from Plato's Cave.

Category 2 viewers aren't powerful enough to compete with Category 3 viewers when put in head-to-head matchups for the toss-up Category 1 viewer.

Category 1 viewers listen to Category 3 viewers because Category 3 viewers represent who Category 1 viewers wish they were. They believe that by agreeing with Category 3 viewers, they too will become Category 3 viewers in time.

Category 3 viewers are out to protect their interests. Fuck Category 2 and Category 1 viewers.

Clearly yesterdays little labeling incident was a good indication of the type of network we're dealing with here.

Can you imagine what a Category 1 viewer in the I-4 corridor of Florida might think when the ONLY news they see this week is this:



Exactly the kind of "mistake" that the Category 3 viewers and G.O.P. friends of Fox want these limited news viewers to see.

[In trashy central Florida voice]
Wow, look 'sis, another Democrat caught in a sex scandal, I'm sure glad that we vote for the good christians in the Republican party!
[End trashy central Florida voice]

I've been accused of being a "liberal elitest" and I'm going to go out on a limb and say this post won't dispell that notion...

I am not here to say that CNN gets it right, or that N.P.R. is the way to get your news, or that the Jew York Times is the premier source of un-biased information.

All I am saying here is that Fox News is fucked up and it continues to amaze me that they are legally allowed to broadcast.

I'm becoming unfocused, best to cut this off before I get totally disjointed.

You see what Fox News does to me?!?

God I hate them.

Stay Tuned...

Thanks Everybody!

I just wanted to take a minute and thank you, the reader.

I wrote in this blog for a while in the spring, and I had an audience of a few classmates that were as bored in Parker's Torts class as I was.

Bored enough to read what I had to say.

I suppose I can thank Facebook for the exposure, but I want to thank all of you who have taken the time to tell me you're reading.

I chalk it up to the same boredom my classmates were subject too, but it is still really cool to know I have some kind of audience.

I'll do my best to keep you entertained and informed!

Thanks for all the feedback, and thanks for reading!

Stay Tuned...

Its like watching your civil liberties slowly die...

See, Ben is angry too. Trust me, you wouldn't like Ben when he is angry...

John Yoo has a new book out, War By Other Means.

Yoo was an attorney for the Bush Administration before recently leaving office to pursue other options.

One of those options apparently, is signing lucrative book deals.

Today, in Arizona, President Bush will sign into law a new set of [cue 1984 references] "Homeland Security" regulations.

700 miles of fences to be constructed along the Mexican border in a conveniently located "toss up" state of Arizona.

More importantly, there are changes being made to our "Enemy Combatant" procedures.

If you are a U.S. Citizen, you can be secretly arrested as an "Enemy Combatant".

Once this happens, you will be detained at one of our fine, club-med'esque facilities in the Caribbean. Cuba maybe?

Don't worry American, you will get your day in court. Kind of.

You will get an opportunity to have a "hearing" in which you may make your argument that you are not an Enemy Combatant.

Yoo claims that this is all very similar to our Criminal Procedure.

There are a few differences:

1. You will not have an opportunity to review the evidence against you if it is classified.
- This is a matter of National Security. Its always classified.

2. You will not have an opportunity to post bail while you await your "hearing"

3. If, at this hearing, you are determined to be an Enemy Combatant, you will have no right to a trial.

4. The only way you can get a full trial is if the President or Secretary of Defense decides to grant one.

5. You can be held without trial, as a U.S. Citizen, until the "End of Hostilities"
- This refers the "War on Terror" -- Not the war in Iraq, so you're in for the long haul.

This seems to discard any Civil Rights that have been established under the U.S. Constitution.

Thats okay, I think these "Amendments" were really just kind of...guidelines...suggestions if you will.

Like this archaic notion - The 5th Amendment:

- "No person shall be held to answer for a capital, or otherwise infamous crime, unless on a presentment or indictment of a Grand Jury, except in cases arising in the land or naval forces, or in the Militia, when in actual service in time of War or public danger."

- "No person...shall...be deprived of life, liberty, or property, without due process of law."

(emphasis added)

That stuff is silly though, right?

I'd sacrifice that for...um...the opportunity to feel safe when I go to the local Wal-Mart.

Wait, I don't feel safe there, and it has nothing to do with 9-11 and Terrorist!

There is another Amendment, pejoratively called the "Sixth" which has some interesting things to say:

- "The accused shall enjoy the right to a speedy and public trial, by an impartial jury of the State or district wherein the crime shall have been committed."

- "The accused shall enjoy the right...to be informed of the nature and cause of action."

- "The accused shall enjoy the right...to be confronted with witnesses against him."

What happens if someone is innocent.

Are we willing to put an innocent U.S. Citizen in a secret military prison for an indefinite amount of time without a trial?

Yoo, being the talking-head that he is explains:
(Note: this is a take from a series of statements in his interview on N.P.R. [national politburo radio] this morning)

- Inevitably, innocent people will end up in jail.

- In war, sometimes there is collateral damage, sometimes we will strike the wrong target, or in striking a target innocent people will be killed.

- The same thing happens in our Criminal Justice system.

- Its not a good outcome, and we could do better, but it would be too expensive.

You see, one of the biggest problem with interpretation of the Constitution is trying to ascertain the "intent" of the writers.

That is not a problem on the issue of American Citizens right to a trial...

I know its cliche, but there is a very good reason that Ben Franklin, a founding father and an author of the U.S. Constitution, said these words:

"They that can give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety."

If people believe we are safer because of these changes, they are living in a state of denial and delusion.

If you want to know what the "intent" of the founding fathers was, we are fortunate to have a DIRECT QUOTE on the matter.

You want more?

Alexander Hamilton, in 1788 said the following:

"The friends and adversaries of the plan of the constitutional convention, if they agree in nothing else, concur at least in the value they set upon trial by jury; the former regard it as a valube safeguard to liberty; the latter represent it as the very palladium of free government"

Mr. Franklin and Mr. Hamilton were right.

We 'ought be cautious how much we are willing to give up to preserve are "way of life"; Otherwise we will one day find ourselves without that "way of life" not by the hands of Terrorists, but by the hands of our own Government.

And you can quote me on that.

Stay Tuned...

Stop "Bringing Sexy Back", seriously.

Look, its not funny.

Justin Timberlake sounds like a woman in the song.

Its not cute to say "X is bringing sexy back"

You're not Stuart Scott.

You're not Linda Cohn.

You're not the [Adult Swim] writing staff.

Those are the only people who have my blessing to break out "sexy back" and still be funny.

Stop doing it.

Rex Grossman is not bringing sexy back.

Mark Foley is definitely not bringing sexy back.

and Justin Timberlake will never bring sexy back with that pitch, bitch voice.

The only person who consistently brings sexy back...

Me.

In this blog.

A few times a day.

Take 'em to the bridge.
(and throw them off)


Stay Tuned...

Party of Morals v. 2

No joke, I'll be brief.

Former Rep. Mark Foley has the audacity now, at his time of great shame, to turn around and accuse the CLERGY of molesting him when he was a child.

So...this party of morals, who's vocal base is church-going, bible toting conservatives watches one of their own not only go down as a result of a sexual misconduct scandal but then turn around and pass the buck to the church.

This is typical of the G.O.P.

First its "I didn't do anything wrong."

Then its "I did it, but it wasn't my fault."

This party lacks any form of responsibility:

Fiscal Responsibility?

NOPE

Personal responsibly?

NOT IN HERE

Responsible Foreign Policy?

WE WOULD PREFER ARMAGEDDON, BUT ONLY BECAUSE WE MISS JESUS

Responsible Domestic Policy?

HEALTH INSURANCE IS OVERRATED...

Responsible Sexual Practices?

ONLY WITH LITTLE BOYS...

Come on people, pay attention.

Don't let them do this again!

Q: Why don't republicans use bookmarks?

A: They prefer to bend over their pages

(thanks Furrow)

Stay Tuned...

Party of Morals?

Former Rep. Mark Foley

Hmmm...lets look at G.O.P. as of late...

The most obvious is the "gentleman from Florida" Former Rep. Mark Foley.

This guy is a class act.

Some of his finer work:

Maf54: I miss you lots since san diego.
Teen: ya I cant wait til dc
Maf54: :)
Teen: did you pick a night for dinner
Maf54: not yet...but likely Friday
Teen: ok...ill plan for Friday then
Maf54: that will be fun

In another exchange released Monday, the page apparently was uncomfortable with Foley's alleged advances:

Maf54: I want to see you
Teen: Like I said not til feb...then we will go to dinner
Maf54: and then what happens
Teen: we eat...we drink...who knows...hang out...late into the night
Maf54: and
Teen: I dunno
Maf54: dunno what
Teen: hmmm I have the feeling that you are fishing here...im not sure what I would be comfortable with...we'll see

But come on, not all immoral G.O.P. actions involve sex.

Lest you forget Tom DeLay?

Rap Sheet:

1. $100,000 in illegal campaign contributions
2. Unlawful political advertising,
3. Unlawful contributions to a political committee
4. Unlawful expenditures such as those to a graphics company and political candidates.
5. Illegal Corporate Campaign Contributions
6. Money Laundering
7. In 1999, DeLay was privately reprimanded by the House Ethics Committee after he pulled an important intellectual property rights bill off of the House floor when the Electronics Industries Alliance hired a former Democratic Congressman, Dave McCurdy.
8. Jack Abramoff
9. Misuse of Federal Investigative Agencies

Jack Abramoff needs his own category though:

Exhibit A: Abramoff and his partner Michael Scanlon (a former Tom DeLay aide) conspired to bilk Indian casino gambling interests out of an estimated $85 million in fees. The lobbyists also orchestrated lobbying against their own clients in order to force them to pay for lobbying services. These practices were the subject both of long-running criminal prosecution and hearings by the Senate Indian Affairs Committee.

Exhibit B: On August 11, 2005, Abramoff and his partner, Adam Kidan, were indicted by a federal grand jury in Fort Lauderdale, Florida, on fraud charges arising from a 2000 deal to buy SunCruz Casinos from Konstantinos "Gus" Boulis. Abramoff and Kidan are accused of using a fake wire transfer to make lenders believe that they had made a $23 million down payment, in order to qualify for a $60 million loan.

Exhibit C: In 2002, Abramoff was retained under a secret contract by the Guam Superior Court to lobby against a bill proposing to put the Superior Court under the authority of the Guam Supreme Court. On Nov. 18, 2002, a grand jury issued a subpoena demanding that the administrator of the Guam Superior Court release all records relating to the contract. On Nov. 19, 2002, U.S. Attorney Frederick A. Black, the chief prosecutor for Guam and the instigator of the indictment, was unexpectedly demoted and removed from the office he had held since 1991. The federal grand jury investigation was quickly wound down and took no further action. In 2005, Public Auditor Doris Flores Brooks initiated a new investigation of the Abramoff contract which is continuing.

As you can see, this is quite the cast of characters.

This is all without addressing the Bush Administration head on, although DeLay and Abramoff were both key players in the White House.

I just bought Bob Woodward's new book, State of Denial: Bush at War III which I look forward to reading.

Just another thought. If you were going to identify one of the two major parties, Democrats or Republicans, and say that one of them was heavily involved with the Oil Industry who would you say that is?

Republicans?

I agree.

Now, If you were going to say which party has the most to lose in this election, the incumbent power (G.O.P.) or the minority party (Democrats) who would you say?

Republicans?

I agree.

Now, if you were going to say which party would be most negatively effected by high gas prices come November, which would you say?

Republicans?

I agree.

Maybe that's why I saw gas at $2.06/gallon today.

I hope Americans are paying attention, otherwise we will be fooled again.

Fool me once...shame on me.

Fool me a fourth time...fuck we're dumb.

You want morals?

Democrats stand for the following: (G.O.P. methods in parentheses)

1. Human Rights
- (see also Abu Graib)
2. Living Wage
- (see also G.O.P. resistance to increased minimum wage)
3. Responsible Environmental Policy
- (see also current Automotive Emissions standards)
4. Sending our soldiers into harms way only for a just cause
- (see also Iraq)
5. Higher Education
- (see also Bush Administration cuts to Federal Scholarships)
6. Balanced Budget
- (see also Record Deficit)
7. Helping the less fortunate
- (see also Budget cuts to homeless shelters and Medicare programs)
8. K-12 Education
- (see also OrwellianNo Child Left Behind program)

Vote for the party that will make you proud.

Not the party that scares you the most.

Stay Tuned...

A fever you can sweat out.

Bit says, FUCK YOU

So, I learned a trick.

Anger = good workout.

Did you know that if you are angry, you can lift more weights?

Did you know that if you are angry you can pedal harder?

Did you know that if you are angry you can lose weight faster?

Think of that 20lbs you want to lose as the person you're angry with.

It will make them just melt away.

I should just keep doing this to myself every two or three days so I can keep getting in shape.

There is nothing like the first time (after a few weeks of working out) that you notice some definition.

There is nothing like looking so good the person who thought they were too good for you kicks themselves.

I mean, if you're already a great person, throw in a great body.

It will make anyone regret a stupid decision.

Stupid.

So here's a FUCK YOU to all the doubters.

We will see who is laughing soon enough.

Stay Tuned...