Better than Hypoman...its Simple Country Lawyer!

Ladies and gentleman, Boys and Girls, Children of all ages, step right up to see the modern marvel that is Simple Country Lawyer!

You thought Hypoman was creative? You've never heard the fountain of semantic-al alternatives that is Simple Country Lawyer

Please read the following with your best "East Tennesse Twang", and play banjo at the same time.

What happens if you changed "If" to "But"?

What happens when you make the clause "now living" instead of "then living"?

What if monkies fly out of my butt 20 years and 11 months after the death of B and blow up all remaining members of the open class. Does the Fessel fail? Does the Fessel Swim? What does the Fessel like to eat? Would AJK eat a Fessel whole for $1000?

What happens if you punch Simple Country Lawyer in the mouth in the middle of class?

These questions and more available Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, and Friday from 11:15 to 12:05 in room 135 at the Law School at the University of Tennessee.

Come see the mad-genius at work!

Now, unlike those who came before me, I'm not afraid to put my name on this:

/s/ Richard McDermott.

("/s/" = signature)

Just kidding, by the way, this is the work of JLM

/s/ JLM


Stay Tuned...

The last 30 games

The Grizzlies start the push to the playoffs tonight, with the first of 30 remaining games.

We have one of the easiest schedules in the NBA, and THE easiest in the Western Conference.

Our opponents winning percentage (.477) not so strong.

We could use to win like 15 in a row.

And maybe try not to limp into the playoffs this year.

Win one game guys...one series...one ring.

Stay Tuned...

To all my loyal and beloved readers...

Don't be a sad clown that I have not posted this week.

I'm working on some things that I've been neglecting for too long, and when I get my head back on, I'll be back here to entertain everyone.

Bare with me, and don't give up hope.

Hope is all we have.

Stay Tuned...

Anyone else curious to see what Darko does in Orlando?

Yeah, I could have put a picture of Darko playing on here, but...this is more true to his days in Detroit.

It will be interesting to see what happens when Darko gets real minutes.

I can't blame Detroit.

I mean, the team was too good to get minutes for Darko, but all they got was Kelvin Cato and a number one draft pick?

Memphis missed a great opportunity to add height to the roster.

All they would have had to do was give up Lorenzen Wright and a draft pick.

Wren is a free agent at the end of the year anyways.

I just hope Jerry West knows more about basketball than I do.

Stay Tuned...

"We have a 78-year-old gun shot victim...You guys aren't going to believe this"

The jokes about Cheney are amazing...

From the Late Night TV:

John Stewart:
* "Vice President Dick Cheney accidentally shot a man during a quail hunt ... making 78-year-old Harry Whittington the first person shot by a sitting veep since Alexander Hamilton. Hamilton, of course, (was) shot in a duel with Aaron Burr over issues of honor, integrity and political maneuvering. Whittington? Mistaken for a bird."

* "Now, this story certainly has its humorous aspects. ... But it also raises a serious issue, one which I feel very strongly about. ... Moms, dads, if you're watching right now, I can't emphasize this enough: Do not let your kids go on hunting trips with the vice president. I don't care what kind of lucrative contracts they're trying to land, or energy regulations they're trying to get lifted -- it's just not worth it."


David Letterman:
* "Good news, ladies and gentlemen, we have finally located weapons of mass destruction: It's Dick Cheney.

* "But here is the sad part -- before the trip Donald Rumsfeld had denied the guy's request for body armor."

Jay Leno:
* "That's the big story over the weekend. ... Dick Cheney accidentally shot a fellow hunter, a 78-year-old lawyer. In fact, when people found out he shot a lawyer, his popularity is now at 92 percent."
-- That is not funny. You've got a big chin. Yes, I say, Your chin is HUGE. This is why I put Leno after Letterman and Stewart. --

* "I think Cheney is starting to lose it. After he shot the guy he screamed, 'Anyone else want to call domestic wire tapping illegal?

Even the British got in on it...
Craig Ferguson:
* "The big scandal apparently is that they didn't release the news for 18 hours. I don't think that's a scandal at all. I'm quite pleased about that. Finally there's a secret the vice president's office can keep."

It was put in print as well...

The Note:
* Sen. Pat Leahy (D-VT) says of his own recent hostile encounter with the Vice President, "In retrospect it looks like I got off
easy."

* New York Post wood has Cheney dressed up Elmer Fudd-style under a "WASCALS" header.

* The New York Daily News has "An Ode to Cheney: No. 2 with a bullet!," meant to be sung to the tune of Irving Berlin's "You Can't Get a Man With a Gun."

Wow, Dick Cheney has finally done something I can benefit from, even if it is only a laugh.

And I didn't even have to buy shares in an oil company.

Now the question everyone wants to know is "Why was this kept quiet for 18 hours? If there is nothing to hide, why all the secrecy?"

Time Magazine ask's the questions on their website.

For some fantastic political cartoons MASH HERE!

If that isin't enough to keep you entertained during torts, you're on your own.



Stay Tuned...

I sing the praises of "The Note"

For those of you who love politics, especially national politics, there is one source you must read every day for your capital hill news.

ABC's "The Note"

An excerpt from today's note:

This morning, to help Rep. Tom Reynolds and the NRCC celebrate Valentine's Day, the DCCC will be delivering "a gallon of bleach to help them clean out the House, a bucket of change to give them an idea of what's coming, and an orange vest just in case Dick Cheney gets too close," DCCC communications guru Bill Burton tells The Note.

It is nice to see Democrats with some swagger huh?

It has been almost 14 years since we've seen that.

This is a great source for news for those of us who don't work in D.C., and can't keep a constant eye on the national political scene.

You can register for "The Note" to be delivered to your mailbox every morning by MASHING HERE

Stay Tuned...

The animated battle for hearts and minds...

I hope this doesn't get my house burned to the ground.

Or the JLM embassy in Tehran.

In this age of intolerance, one website is fighting the good fight to remind everyone to smile...

It is a shame that people outside the west aren't allowed to appreciate satire.

It stems from generations of under-educated religious fanatics fearing change...

Now they can't even laugh at themselves...

Wow, that sounds pretty similar to certain Groups Of People in America, who shall remain nameless...

Stay Tuned...

I love converting people to Apple...

Since the newest version of OSX came out a year ago, I've been pretty well set on converting people to the use of iBooks and Powerbooks.

No one I know needs the functionality of the Powerbook, but they are still pretty sweet.

Casey has made the switch, and its exciting to see her light up with each new trick she learns.

There is no shortage of them.

Dashboard! That's an entire day of exploring in-and-of-itself.

Expose! A wonderful feature, that windows had better integrate into "Vista".

Dock! Wonderfully customizable, and really can be flexed to meet your needs.

The integration is fantastic as well. iPhoto integrates with Mail so well. Your address book is blended into every program (chat, email, calendar, etc.)

iCal has a function where you can pull names from your address book and put them on the 'invite' list, and iCal will automatically send an email out to inform all the people on the list of the time, location, and purpose of the event. Magnificent!

I'm excited for her, that's how nice it is to see someone make the switch.

I could be getting myself in a lot of trouble...Taking on the U.S. Government, Dick Cheney, and Microsoft this week...

Looking forward to my Wal-Mart rant!

Stay Tuned...

It is a good thing Cheney's friend wasn't killed...

Or we'd have never known about this incident.

Another good reason to kill the animals with your bare hands.

I'd even allow a sharp stick, or a mallet fashioned out of a stick and a rock.

This is what happens when you hunt.

At least, when you hunt with a crazed neo-con.

I'm sure Dick's buddy will get up at the NRA convention next year and "reaffirm his commitment to the right to own guns."

God Bless America, and Nobody Else.

Stay Tuned...

Who's watching you?

So this guy in the UK stole his girlfriend's phone, and in only 5 minutes, used a GPS website to set up a tracking signal on her phone. No hardware required. The Guardian wrote a story about it.

Don't worry Robyn...I'm not that crazy...

Yet

;-)

It does make you wonder...if this guy, as a private citizen could make it happen with only 5 minutes alone with the phone, what is our government up to?

Maybe I shouldn't ask these questions...

Did you hear something?

*JLM walks to door*

*Muffled scream*



*elevator music = Girl from Ipanema*

"We're sorry, Sports, Politics, and the American Dream will be offline for "routine maintanance" please check back again shortly..."

*elevator music = Girl from Ipanema*

Stay Tuned...

Want to see a kid freak out?

Watch this video!

If you think crying children are funny, this is for you.

Disclaimer: Do not watch this in class or at work, unless you can control your laughter.


Thanks AJK.

Stay Tuned...

Now the snow is just pissing me off...

First it was 1 inch...

Then it became 2 to 4 inches during the day, with another 1 to 3 over night...

Then it was 1 inch...

Back to 1 to 3 inches...

Now it says Flurries...

I'm tired of these forcasts. I think if I want real snow, I'm just going to have to spend a winter in Lake Nebagamon.

I never thought that 3 days of snow could be so obnoxious, but this 'light snow' crap is a waste of time...

I hate the weatherman (no offense Henry).

Stay Tuned...

Not to sound like I'm obsessed, but...

While talking about the tragedy of his death at the bar last night, I realized that John Candy was working on Wagons East when he died...

Chris Farley was working on Almost Hero's when he died...

Note to John Goodman:

Stay away from comedies that take place in the old west!!!

Stay Tuned...

Does anyone else miss John Candy?

I caught "Summer Rental" on HBO last night, and I have to say, losing JC so early was a tradgedy. Can you imagine what today's comedies would be like with a genuis like Candy still around?

Uncle Buck, Canadian Bacon, Trains Planes and Automobiles, the list goes on and on...

Why do the good ones have to leave so early?

Belushi...

Candy...

Farley...

What a shame...

Stay Tuned...

Cash Cab!

13,000 Cabs in NYC, and this one...it pays you!

If you get in the right cab, after you tell the driver where you are going, the game begins. You can answer trivia questions for $$ and if you miss 3 questions, you get kicked out of the cab wherever you are. You can't quit until you reach your destination.

You get two shout outs. One via the cell phone (provided by Cingular of course) and one by pulling the cab over to the side of the street and asking a New Yorker what they think...

God help you if you have to do that...

I watched two girls that were absolutely stupid lose on easy questions, who's answers are as follows:
1. Yugoslavia
2. Mitosis
3. Kinko's

No excuse for that.

Everyone knows "What major business logistics company did FedEx purchase in 2003?"

No excuse for that.

Check the show out, its on at 6 pm Eastern every week night on Discovery channel. I think I missed three the whole night.

Stay Tuned...

JFH responds to "Facts"

JFH Answers to no man...

I am a god, that's why he answers me...

"All of the facts that have been floating around the internet regarding me are true. Not only that, but they only scratch the surface of my awe-inspiring powers. For instance:

1. I can eat five saltines without any water.

2. I kicked JLM's ass for even daring to contemplate how hardcore I am.

3. I once told Kuney that he was not permitted to talk anymore during that class. And then re-named him "Bobo the Frown" and punched him in the mouth.

If you would like to know more about JFH, don't ask me, because I will eat your soul. I'm hardcore, and you're a prissy bitch. Tell Chuck Norris that he can take his "method actor" punk ass out to the "wild west" if that's what he knows, but JFH knows everything, and I'll kill him. Also, you can check out my book, entitled Kiss My Ass available soon from Hardcore Press."

Long story short, don't mess with JFH.


Stay Tuned...

Chuck Norris responds to "Facts"

Chuck Norris answers to no man...

So it must have been a woman that asked him about these facts. He responded to them on his personal website.

Chuck Responds

"I'm aware of the made up declarations about me that have recently begun to appear on the Internet and in emails as "Chuck Norris facts." I've seen some of them. Some are funny. Some are pretty far out. Being more a student of the Wild West than the wild world of the Internet, I'm not quite sure what to make of it. It's quite surprising. I do know that boys will be boys, and I neither take offense nor take these things too seriously. Who knows, maybe these made up one-liners will prompt young people to seek out the real facts as found in my recent autobiographical book, "Against All Odds?" They may even be interested enough to check out my novels set in the Old West, "The Justice Riders," released this month. I'm very proud of these literary efforts."
~ Chuck Norris

Chuck Norris once responded to Chuck Norris facts on his website...with mind bullets! That's telekinesis, Kyle!

Stay Tuned...

Its SNOWING!

Stay Tuned...

Check this out!

This is a fantastic spoof someone did...

Trailer







Thanks D'Mo for the material!

Stay Tuned...

Tucker Max has issues...

TuckerMax.com

The guy is messed up...

He knows it...

He has been abusing people (mostly women) for the better part of a decade, and writing about it online...

Its gotten him an MTV special...

Its gotten him a book deal (I Hope They Serve Beer in Hell)...

Its gotten him quite a following on the internet...

The stories and blog are hilarious, but they are rated NC-17, and are not for the faint of heart, or people at the office.

a.k.a. If you don't like drunk people, profanity, sex, and violence, don't read them.

a.k.a. If you do like drunk people, profanity, sex, and violence, read them.

All kidding aside though, the guy is messed up...

Who gets a J.D. from Duke and never takes the bar exam!?!

Tucker Max does.

Stay Tuned...

I'm going across the pond!

It was like the stars aligned...

I was going over to the University Center (hereinafter UC) to pick up a student aid check, only to be told that it was at the other bursars office.

I was walking out, and stopped half-way out the door because I decided I should go the other way, and head to the main bursars office.

I looked over at the STA (Student Travel Agency) office as I passed it, and I see a sign that says "Bluesday Only Sale."

Details are as follows --

Roundtrip Airfare*:
$120 to London
$130 to Paris
$130 to Amsterdam
$130 to Madrid
$130 to Berlin
$150 to Frankfurt
$170 to Rome

*plus tax/fees etc.

WWWWWWWWWWHAT!

Doth' my eyes deceive me?

I walk into the office and get more information. You have to book the airfare by 5pm TODAY! It is currently 12:30. Shit!

I walk out of the UC and call Holly, Aaron, Abe, and Greg immediately...Everyone is kind of luke-warm, especially when I tell them that we have to decide by 5pm.

Well...One thing led to another, and after further discussion, Holly was in. Abe was out. Aaron was out. Holly was out. Greg was a maybe. I begin extending more invitations. Holly and I discussed it and decided that the magic number was going to be 4.

4 people had to be willing to commit today and we'd do it.

Kurt was all over it. There is 3.

So was Brit. So that makes 4.

Done deal?

Not so fast...this silver-tongued devil had more convincing to do. 4 was great, but 8 is better.

I knew I could count on Jantzen. If anyone I know in the world would pick up on a moments notice and go to Europe, it is Jantzen. Now we're at 5.

Kurt's friend Patrick. 6.

Out of nowhere, Charles (against his instincts) says "I'm in" and signs up. And then there were 7.

The next one was the icing on this cake.

D' Mo said "no" when he was initially approached because he told his wife years ago that they would go together the first time. No problem, we all understood. Well when he got home, he decided to tell his wife the story.

David: I want to tell you a story, but don't get the wrong idea, I don't want to go, its just funny. I was invited to go to Europe today, but I told them no, because you and I are going to go together...

Rachel: Funny you should mention that...My mom called and asked if I would go to London with her...You should go

David: Are you sure?

Rachel: Yes

David: (calling Jonathan) I'm in!

And then there were 8...

The schedule?

Saturday, March 18 -
6:40pm - Flight from Atlanta to London (British Airways)

Sunday, March 19-
7:25am - Arrive in London - Day in London

Monday, March 20 -
Day in London

Tuesday, March 21 -
11:45am - Flight to Amsterdam - Arrive in Amsterdam at 1:55pm -Day in Amsterdam

Wednesday, March 22 -
Day in Amsterdam

Thursday, March 23 -
9:35am - Flight from Amsterdam to London to Atlanta (British Airways)

The only thing that would make this a better trip would be to have Robyn with me...but this way I can scout out all the good places for us to go!

Is there anything I can do to make this time move faster? Really if I could just speed the world up until Mardi Gras, so I can see Robyn again, then push fast forward again until march 17, that would be okay with me.

I'm going to Europe! Hooray!


Stay Tuned...

No explanation Necessary...

That is a tort waiting to happen...


Stay Tuned...

Your Legal Term of the Day...

Fee Simple Subject to an Executory Limitation
or FSSEL (pronounced FeeZel)

Prof. Hess thinks this sounds like a small fury animal...I think she is thinking of a weasel...silly girl.

A grant of land in fee simple, that is subject to a condition which, if met, will cause the fee simple to revert back to the person whom conveyed it...

Example:
"To my son, John, provided that he shall never use alcoholic beverages, and if he shall ever do so, then the land shall revert to me."

Some parents are so controlling, they won't even give it up from the grave!

Makes me feel fortunate!

Stay Tuned...

What ever happened to Edgar Frog...

For those of you who are not fans of The Lost Boys, I'm talking about Corey Feldman!

The boy that couldn't pass on a part in the 1980s and 1990s has vanished from the silver screen...

Pete from Gremlins...

Clarke "Mouth" Devereaux from The Goonies...

Ricky Butler from The 'Burbs...

Donatello from Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles...

Where have you gone Corey!

For answers, you should check out his personal website...

Wait...I can't post about Corey Feldman without mention of Corey Haim...

Yeah, he has a personal website as well.

I can't believe that Corey Feldman has a photo gallery of Corey's "Famous Friends" and doesn't feature Haim!

I didn't think they could work without each other!

Survey Says...

COREY FELDMAN IS NOT CHUCK NORRIS

Stay Tuned...

What Would Uncle Jesse Do...DOT COM!

Someone thinks that Uncle Jesse is Chuck Norris...

They even posted facts...but they are kind of faggoty...

Examples:
1. Uncle Jesse won the Daytona 500 on a Segway.

2. Uncle Jesse's solar-powered calculator works at night.

3. Uncle Jesse owns the patent on Corey Feldman.

4. Uncle Jesse's abs glow in the dark.

5. In 1992, Uncle Jesse was MVP on the Japanese "Hungry, Hungry Hippos" National Championship Team. He was always the orange hippo.

Some of the better ones?

Examples:
1. When Uncle Jesse signs a lease, they have to pay him a security deposit.

2. Uncle Jesse has never gotten a speeding ticket. In fact, Uncle Jesse issues speeding tickets to police officers.

3. One time, Uncle Jesse pushed Joey Gladstone down the stairs...just to watch him fall!

Other gems of this website?

The photo's of "Uncle Jesse Doin' Things"

"Uncle Jesse's Fight Night" where Uncle Jesse takes on other pop icons...the best?
- Uncle Jesse v. A.C. Slater

There are also a fantastic DIARY!
- I'd recommend reading the entry on December 19, 2005...

Anyways, here are some good pictures...

Uncle Jesse invented the moon

The French Love Uncle Jesse...Uncle Jesse Hates the French

Survey Says...

UNCLE JESSE IS NOT CHUCK NORRIS

Stay Tuned...

The Hassle of Hoff...

For the record, this was originally a picture of Hasslehoff in a bathingsuit and leather jacket, but then I found a new site called "Uncle Jessie Doing Stuff" and had to put this picture up. There will be a multitude of "Uncle Jesse Doin Stuff" pictures to come.

First, let me thank Troika for posting this...

As the guy who originally put this video says, "you may or may not die of an overdose of awesome..."

Hasslehoff Music Video

I don't want you to think that I am not going to have anything original for you this week, I just happened to have received some good stuff from friends lately...

Enjoy it!

Survey Says...

DAVID HASSLEHOFF IS NOT CHUCK NORRIS

Stay Tuned...

This doesn't feel right...

I'm confused...I thought this cartoon was in a Danish paper...how did this become the Jew's fault?

Oh, right...media conspiracy...gotcha...

Here's a refreshing little news clip...Iran's biggest paper is going to hold a contest to see who can draw the most inappropriate cartoon about...Wait for it...Wait for it...THE HOLOCAUST!

Nothing says "Oh yeah, well, you're mom is fat!" like a cartoon about the genocide of 6 million Jew's...

Fuck Iran.

** Thanks Rudner for pointing me towards this information...

Stay Tuned...

It's time for "The Simpsons" to say Good Night...

In this generation of South Park, Family Guy, and Drawn Together, the long-standing champion of prime-time cartoons has reached the classification it managed to avoid for years...Obscurity.

Maybe it's time to ride off into the sunset...

"Dooh" just isn't cuttin' it anymore...Not in this age of Peter Griffin, Eric Cartman, and Stan Smith.

Goodbye Homer, Bart, Marge, Lisa, Maggie...

You got us all to a very important place in life...and they can never take that away from you!

p.s. Matt Groening, please come up with something new, Futurama was fantastic but under-appreciated. Maybe a fresh idea is just what you need!

Stay Tuned...

Your Legal Term of the Day...

"Reading the Will" by Neue Pinakothek, 1820

INTESTATE SUCCESSION -

Refers to the law of the State providing for the inheritance of property from a person who dies without leaving a will. Thus, to carry out a "intestate succession" simply means to transfer something after the owner has died and in accordance with the State law of intestate succession.

Tennessee Law of Intestate Succession -

If any part of a Tennessee decedent's estate is not effectively disposed of by will, the intestate share will be distributed in the following order and manner:

1. Surviving spouse.

A surviving spouse is generally first in line to get any assets from the intestate estate, including both separate property and the one-half of community property that belongs to the decedent. However, the amount a surviving spouse is entitled to varies as follows:

- If there is no surviving issue (e.g., child or grandchild) of decedent, the surviving spouse is entitled to the entire intestate
estate.
- If there are surviving issue of the decedent, the surviving spouse is entitled to the greater of one-third or a child's share of the entire intestate estate.

2. Heirs other than surviving spouse.

Any part of the intestate estate not passing to the surviving spouse as indicated above, or the entire intestate estate if there is no surviving spouse, passes as follows to:

1. Decedent's issue. If they are all of the same degree of kinship to the decedent they take equally, but if of unequal degree, then those of more remote degree take by per stirpes representation.

2. Decedent's parent or parents equally.

3. Decedent's brothers and sisters and the issue of each deceased brother and sister by per stirpes representation. If there is no surviving brother or sister, the issue of brothers and sisters take by per stirpes representation.

4. If none of the above relatives are available, but the decedent is survived by one or more grandparents or issue of grandparents, half of the estate passes to the paternal grandparents if both survive, or to the surviving paternal grandparent or to the issue of the paternal grandparents if both are deceased. Such issue take equally if they are all of the same degree of kinship to the decedent and, if of unequal degree those of more remote degree take by per stirpes representation. The other half passes to the maternal relatives in the same manner. If there is no surviving grandparent or issue of grandparent on either the paternal or maternal side, the entire estate passes to the relatives on the other side in the same manner as the half.

3. State of Tennessee.

If there is no taker under any of the above provisions, the intestate estate passes to the state of Tennessee.

Tennessee Intestate Succession Law Fun Facts

- Relatives of the half blood inherit the same share they would inherit if they were of the whole blood.

- Relatives of the decedent conceived before his death but born thereafter inherit as if they had been born in the lifetime of the decedent (provided the new-born lives at least 120 hours after birth).

- Any person who fails to survive the decedent by 120 hours is deemed to have predeceased the decedent for purposes of intestate succession (which means that the person generally doesn't get a share of the decedent's estate). If it cannot be established by clear and convincing evidence that the person who would otherwise be an heir has survived the decedent by 120 hours, it is considered that the person failed to survive for the required period. However, these rules don't apply if the end result is that the state of Tennessee gets the intestate estate.

- Tennessee's intestate succession laws can be found in Title 31 of the Tennessee Code.

Stay Tuned...

Kind of Super Bowl

I had the pleasure of listening to Marv Albert broadcast the game on Westwood One last night. When I got in the car in Atlanta, I immediately began scanning AM radio for the game.

First up? Oddly enough, 870am from New Orleans! How strange is that, I had just left New Orleans, and it was like the AM radio followed me. Of course, 10 miles down the road, I lost it.

Next up? 1100am from St. Louis. I had it for almost 20 minutes...

Then? 1120am from Chattanooga. Had it for about 3 minutes...

Mind you I am between Atlanta and Chattanooga...

Next? 680am from Atlanta. Had it for 10 or 15 minutes...

Where could we go from there? 1220am WFAN in New York City!

That's right, I am between Atlanta, GA and Chattanooga, TN and the only radio I could get was in NYC? What the hell!

Finally, I got to hear the last 5 minutes of the game on 960am from Cincinnati, Ohio.

AM radio is so strange...

Oh, the game! I was torn, because I really like the Steelers. Rothlesberger, Bettis, Cower, Randle-El, all class acts. I was happy to see them win the big one. On the other hand, I had to root for Seattle. Shaun Alexander is a 'Bama man, and to see him win the MVP and Super Bowl this year would have been a great tribute to how talented he is. He was robbed having never gotten a look at the Heisman, and winning the MVP of "the league" is retribution.

Ron Dayne? Are you kidding?

Stay Tuned...

The important part of New Orleans is back...

No, I'm not talking about Bourbon Street (I didn't go to the quarter) because the Quarter never really shut down...

I'm talking about the food!

Fried Shrimp

Gumbo

Bread Pudding

It is all here...

The restaurants are all running "limited menu's" but the classics are here. I'm not sure that the limited menu is a result of limited supplies, or rather that the kitchen's realized they could get away with limiting the amount they had to prepare. Either way, if you are coming down looking for the food you have come to know and love, its here.

We went to Parasol's over on Constance and Third. If you've never had the pleasure of eating in a restaurant where you were afraid to touch the table, you've never had good local food. Its kind of like Memphis BBQ in a way. If you walk in, and there are bars on the window, and the menu is hung on the wall on one of those "letter boards" where you put the letters in yourself, you know you've hit the jackpot.

This morning we went to the Blue Bird Cafe, another gem. We stood outside on the curb for 25 minutes just to get in the door, but it was fantastic once we got a table. I might have been a little over ambitious when I ordered the Corned Beef Hash, but the pancakes were good, and the homefries were exactly what I needed this morning.

All in all, The city is doing well. Its amazing how much better it looks than it did 1 month ago. The trash that was built up at every corner has been cleared. Some of the houses you can see from Robyn's back porch are finally able to remove the blue tarp, and the traffic lights are mostly back in order. I am sure 1 month from now, when I come back for Mardi Gras, it will look even better.

Even the crawfish is back. At Friar Tuck's (a bar around the corner) this Friday, they started back the weekly tradition of having free crawfish on Fridays if you are drinking. Do you need more proof than that?

2 hours until I have to go to the airport, what am I doing wasting time telling you all about New Orleans...

Oh yeah...The Abita flows like water!

Stay Tuned...

Back to Knoxville...

Three days went so quickly...

See everyone soon.


Stay Tuned...

My blog is missing...

I keep getting a "forbidden" message, and I am not being allowed to view the blog. If anyone else can see this, I'll get more interesting information up soon.

Munwolff

Stay Tuned...

You thought Chuck Norris was a tough son-of-a-bitch...

Here are some little known facts about J Frank Hollis (hereinafter JFH)...



1. JFH stole the cookie from the cookie jar...What are you going to do about it bitch?

2. JFH stormed hill 423 in the South Pacific in 1945 alone...with only a box of 100 square tooth-picks.

3. JFH has been to Mars...There was life...Now there's not...That's why Mars is red.

4. JFH is the cause of all the horrible accidents in our Torts book.

5. JFH was a consultant for Ozzfest and the Marilyn Manson tour. The biting off the bats head...yeah, that was JFH's idea.

6. JFH uses hydrogen peroxide as aftershave. Yeah, I told you he was hardcore.

7. JFH can sit through torts without an internet connection...and take notes.

8. What do you want from JFH?

9. JFH won't walk in front of you. JFH won't walk behind you. JFH doesn't want to walk next to you and be your friend. JFH will walk over you.

10. JFH knows how many licks it takes to get to the center of at Tootsie Pop...One

11. It was JFH who told god that the unicorn was "Kind of a prissy idea..." We all know how that ended.

Now that is hardcore

Chuck Norris is a pansy

Reader submissions welcomed: If you have a JFH fact you'd like to share, submit it by E-mail

Reader Submissions:
1. JFH could live with the bears without weapons...but that would mean removing his arms and legs. (see "Grizzly Man") - AJK and JLM

2. JFH can punch through a metal door and knock out Julie Wendell...if he wanted too... - Julie Wendell

Stay Tuned...

The nerve of some people!

"Do you need some change?"

Do I need some change? DO I NEED SOME CHANGE? Are you kidding!?!?!?!

I walked like 10 miles through the over-priced ($14/day) parking lot at the Atlanta Hartsfield Int'l Airport on Thursday, with three bags around my shoulders, and on my back.

When I finally reached the Delta curbside check-in, the nice African-American man was kind enough to let me place my own bags on the scale, and he checked me and my bags in.

Sounds great right?

Well as we concluded this transaction, I turned to smoke a cigarette by the door before I went in, and the man says to me "Do you need some change?"

At first, I admit, it didn't occur to me what he was asking. Then I got it, and my jaw dropped.

"Are you kidding? Did you really just ASK me for a tip? Do I look like I'm the kind of person who would react favorably to someone demanding my money for DOING THEIR JOB! How about this: next time you take my bags, smile while you type my name in, ask how I'm doing, and tell me to have a nice flight. That's how you get a tip jackass!"

That's what I should have said...

"Uh...um...oh...here ($1)...sorry..."

That's what I did say...

What can I do, he caught me off guard!

Plus, he had my bags, if he wanted to make my trip difficult, he could have tagged them to be searched right there...

Thanks Homeland Security...cost me more $$ everyday...

I hope he enjoyed his 99¢ junior baconcheeseburgerr...asshole.

I can't believe Iapologizedd...

Stay Tuned...

Grizzly Man

You guys have to check this out!

Discovery Channel is premiering the movie tonight, and I've gotten to see the first hour while patiently waiting for Robyn to get ready...

This guy, Timothy Treadwell, lived with the bears in Alaska every summer for 13 summers, until in October 2003 one of his bears killed and ate him...

Yeah, thats what I said...

"It was great what he was doing, but I think in a lot of ways, he got what he deserved." -- One of the men who found his body

"Its sad what happened to him. Its sad what happened to his girlfriend. Thats what happens when you try to be a bear." -- Bear Refuge Director

Its amazing footage. Timothy took a video camera out with him, and recorded his interaction with the bears, and the foxes. He had a group of foxes that followed him around like pets. They would run in front of him and wait for him to catch up. They would roll around on the grass and play with his things. In one scene the fox took his hat, and ran back to the den. Timothy chased him all the way back yelling "If you take that to your den, I'm going to f*cking explode!" Sure enough, the fox took it to the den. Unfortunatly, Timothy did not explode. That would have been good footage...

Ironic, that the bears ended up killing and eating him (they know this because they found his remains in the bear's stomach).

This movie won a lot of awards at the 2005 Sundance (same one that my cousin Ira won).

Stay Tuned...

I'm going to NEW ORLEANS!

I'll be sure to take thorough notes of everything, and I will update the blog while Robyn is in class!

Robyn, I'll see you this afternoon!!!!


Stay Tuned...

The 2006 Crimson Tide Recruiting Class

Entire Class is ranked:
#11 nationally

DB class is ranked:
#1 nationally

OL class is ranked:
#2 nationally

WR class is ranked:
#13 nationally

RB class is ranked:
#8 nationally

ATH class is ranked:
#13 nationally

Athlete -
Earl Alexander (6-4 200lbs) 4* [Projects as WR]
Javier Arenas (5-10 180lbs) 3* [Projects as DB]

Defensive Back -
Tremayne Coger (5-11 180lbs) 3*
Andy Davis (6-0 205lbs) 3*
Marquis Johnson (6-1 180lbs) 4*
Jake Jones (6-1 177lbs) 3*
Marcus Udell (5-11 178lbs) 4*
Justin Woodall (6-3 200lbs) 4*

Tight End -
Preston Dial (6-3 237lbs) 3*

Quarterback -
Greg McElroy (6-2 212lbs) 3*

Running Back -
Mike Ford (6-2 210lbs) 5*
Terry Grant (5-10 180lbs) 4*

Linebacker -
Charlie Higgenbotham (6-1 223lbs) 3*
LaBronski Hutchins (6-3 177lbs) 3*
Charlie Kirschman (6-3 225lbs) 3*

Defensive Lineman -
Milton Talbert (6-2 225lb) 3*

Wide Receiver -
Nakita Stover (6-1 200lbs) 4*
Mike McCoy (6-3 200lbs) 4*

Offensive Lineman -
Brian Motley (6-1 266lbs) 3*
Taylor Pharr (6-6 268lbs) 4*
David Ross (6-4 295lbs) 4*
Andre Smith (6-4 325lbs) 5*
Alex Stadler (6-6 300lbs) 4*


Thanks to BamaNCsU on rivals.com message board for the photo.


Info box from rivals.com


Stay Tuned...