You thought Jews weren't cool?

Oh to have bling like that!

Oy you couldn't beat the shiksa's off with a stick!

You've not seen mashugana until you've seen the koorvah fight the nafka for the pimpest Jew in the room...

Gutinue!!!!

The Dictionary:

Shiksa - A non-Jewish woman

Mashugana - Crazy

Koorvah - Prostitute

Nafka - Loose Women

Gutinue - Good heavens! or Oh My!



Stay Tuned...

The French and British...Always fighting about something

The French Rule of Mitigating Factors in Contract Damages:

"The damages due to the creditor consist in general of the loss that he has sustained, and the profit which he has been prevented from acquiring...The debtor is only liable for the damages foreseen, or which might have been foreseen, at the time of the execution of the contract, when it is not owing to his fraud that the agreement has been violated. Even in the case of non-performance of the contract, resulting from the fraud of the debtor, the damages only comprise so much of the loss sustained by the creditor, and so much of the profit which he has been prevented from acquiring, as directly and immediately results from the non-performance of the contract."

-- Sedgwick on Contracts (translated)


The British Rule of Mitigating Factors in Contracts Damages:

"Where two parties have made a contract which one of them has broken, the damages which the other party ought to receive in respect to such breach of contract should be such as may fairly and reasonably be considered either arising naturally, i.e. according to the usual course of things, from such breach of contract itself, or such as may reasonably be supposed to have been in contemplation of both parties, at the time they made the contract, as the probable result of the breach of it."

-- Hadley v. Baxendale (U.K. 1854)


Whew! Them's fighting words!

Can't we all just get along?

"Hug it out bitch"

Stay Tuned...

Hardcore Hollis says it best...

"If the Lexis Nexis printer was a keg...I kicked it."
-- This morning at V&Bs

JFH will be staring in his own major motion picture:

Buckets of Blood 3: The Return of the Hollis



Stay Tuned...

How to enjoy a UT game...

Step 1: Wear the colors of the opposing team...In this case, UGA (whom I also hate, just not as much as UT)
*Check*

Step 2: Drink heavily before walking to stadium...
*Check*

Step 3: Cheer wildly when UT gets picked off in the end-zone...
*Check*

Step 4: Read newspaper during 1 eventful drive UT has all game...
*Check*

Step 5: Laugh like a mad man when UT loses...
*Check*

Step 6: Wear Alabama hat...
*Check*

Step 7: Watch your back all the way out of the stadium...
*Check*

What can I say, 4 years of games in Tuscaloosa and you just can't enjoy pee-wee football...

Yawn!


Stay Tuned...

Looking for Comedy In the Muslim World...

This movie could have been called "Looking for a plot, in this movie..."

The jokes were funny. Its Albert Brooks, of course they are funny. He's hilarious. But its a lot like EVERY CHRIS ROCK MOVIE EVER MADE...Its just a stand up routine stuck into a movie...

Don't get me wrong, I laughed, but I also spent a lot of time scratching my head wondering: "How did he get from Fred Thompson's office to Bombay so quickly?" and "That's it? That's the end? What the hell!"

But between such thoughts I laughed...

If you don't own the Albert Brooks Live DVD box set (if such a beast exists) and you're dying to hear a Jew make some Muslim jokes in a movie (and Jew jokes), check this movie out. Otherwise, wait for it on DVD, or VOD, or whatever you're into these days.

Looking for Comedy in the Muslim World gets 1.5 Stars, on the back of Albert Brooks being a funny-son-of-a-bitch.

Don't forget our handy star system:

4-Stars: "Knock the guy in front of you in line over the head with your umbrella, thus increasing your odds of getting tickets."

3-Stars: "Think about hitting the guy, but let it slide...This time."

2-Stars: "If there is a line, go rent a movie."

1-Star: "Hit yourself over the head before you leave the house, thus increasing your odds of not having to sit through this crap."

Stay Tuned...

The Matador

His name was Bond, James Bond...

Now he's a washed up hitman with a "porn-stach"...

This movie was built for Sundance, which was evident by the way the shot they names of the Cities...You'll understand when you see it...

It looked like a low-budget independent film, but it had the star power of a studio movie...

There is a great scene at a bull-fight in Mexico City...

And at the bar...

It was funny, hilarious even. I'd go so far as to say "GO SEE IT" if you've got a chance.

A solid 3 stars...

Don't forget our handy star system:

4-Stars: "Knock the guy in front of you in line over the head with your umbrella, thus increasing your odds of getting tickets."

3-Stars: "Think about hitting the guy, but let it slide...This time."

2-Stars: "If there is a line, go rent a movie."

1-Star: "Hit yourself over the head before you leave the house, thus increasing your odds of not having to sit through this crap."

Stay Tuned...

Z-Funk Sugar Daddy...

Today I met Z-Funk Sugar Daddy...

No, not Zephod Bebox, Z-Funk Sugar Daddy (hereinafter Z)...

Z works at the Zona Fun Center...

We went to hit some baseballs in the batting cage, and I made the mistake of asking Z where I could get some tokens...

Speaking of TOKENS, I should tell you who Z is...

Z is the 15 year old mentally and physically handicapped young man who works at Zona. What does he do there? I have not a clue, but I can tell you what he did from 3:00 to 3:25 today...

He followed Aaron, Holly and I around Zona being very awkward...

I was carrying a baseball bat. This prompted him to tell me that he wouldn't mess with me, because of the bat. Otherwise I might have been in trouble. He weights 420 lbs in his chair. Probably 90 lbs out of it. He told me that he and his friends (also in wheelchairs) like to joust with golf clubs.

He told me that I was now a member of "The Sugar Daddies" and that he had my back from now on. He told me if anyone gave me trouble, come see him at Zona, bring a picture, an address, and a few hundred dollars, and he would be sure they didn't give me any trouble...

For Holly, he'd do it for free, if she gave him her phone number...

That's Z-Funk for ya, always the ladies man...



"Z-Funk?"
*Pronounced in Timmy Voice from South Park*


Batting First, and playing center field, its "Three Year Old Black Kid"!
*Fans go wild in admiration*


Batting Second, and playing short-stop, Holls!
*Fans go wild in admiration*


Batting Clean-up, and playing second base, J May!
*Fans go wild in admiration*


Batting Ninth, and pitching, AJK!
*Crickets*
*Crickets*
*Someone Coughs*
*Crickets*
*Charity Clap*
*Laughter*


That kid stole your tickets! Get 'em AJK!

Stay Tuned...