New Chapter, Better Book.

Those of you who aren't really fascinated with the inner-workings of my personal and social life shouldn't read this note. It is not particularly funny (I mean, in a satirical way it is), and its pretty personal. Its not about sports, or politics, or something that happened at the bar.

This really isn't meant to be rude, or nasty. Its unfortunate that my blog is now connected to facebook, because my viewership has increased since that happened. Maybe a lot of you will read this. Maybe not. Either way, you know what this is, and what this isn't. This is a stress relief tool, a way to vent. Rather than picking on a friend or two and subjecting them to my delusional thought process, I am just going to write. I find it helps me feel better.

There.

You've been warned.

If you read on, its because you want to hear what I have to say.

Because you wanted to know how I feel.

I am finished.

I am giving up.

I am letting go.

I am hurt.

I am Jonathan's angry gall bladder.

Pain.

But today is a new beginning. A new book. A better book.

The last book was flawed.

I take responsibility for my share, I was no angel.

But in the end, I hurt.

It was cute to say things like:

"We want to be together, just not right now."

"We both want to spend our lives together, but we need some time."

"We want to be married, but in order to get from point A to point B we have to take this time apart."

They are cute ideas.

They are delusional.

Delusional is defined as: "an idiosyncratic belief or impression that is firmly maintained despite being contradicted by what is generally accepted as reality or rational argument. Generally associated with mental disorders."

I am in such a weird place.

Being single is new to me, and I think I'm handling it well. That is relative. I haven't ever done it before. I went from two long relationships in high school into a 5 year relationship in college. This is all new to me. "Well" is relative.

I do things that help me feel better. I go out with my friends. I am surrounded by people who care about my well being.

I'm adding to that group too. I've been fortunate to meet quite a few new people this year that I enjoy spending time with.

These things are wonderful. They make me stronger, and happy.

The new John Mayer CD is pretty good. There is one song in particular called "Heart of Life" and the chorus goes like this:

Pain throws your heart to the ground
Love turns the whole thing around
No it won't all go the way it should
But i know the heart of life is good

You know it's nothing new
Bad news never had good timing
But then the circle of your friends
Will defend the silver lining

I am fortunate to have outstanding friends who have defended that silver lining with me for way too long.

God, just realizing how long this has been going on makes me more depressed!

I am strong, capable, driven, & independent.

I am not whinny, miserable, weak, & needy.

I have been those things for a while, and its time to put that behind me.

There is another song, by Stroke 9. The song is called "Letters".

Don't wake me as you leave
Don't make me
Believe I have a chance in hell
don't tell me what I know too well
Don't wake me

Sooner or later you will long
when you wake you will see
Sooner or later all the songs
that make you shake will be by me
Sooner or later all the throngs of feelings
we used to appreciate
Will come rushing back

The long and short of it is this, I'm done with the bullshit.

I am going to take a shower and wash the old away.

I am going to stand in the mirror and have a conversation with myself that I've needed to have for a long time.

I am going to start over. Start new. Start.

Let this be a public thank you, and a public apology to those of you who have stood by me and defended the silver lining.

Aaron, Holly, Amy, Aslynn, Rudner, Mom, Dad, Abby, Jantzen.

Thank you.

I'm sorry.

There are others of course, and I am sorry if I didn't list your name.

I am starting a new chapter now. I want you to all be there, celebrate with me.

And I assure you, the time will come again, when the lining needs to be defended.

And you can always count on me to defend your silver lining too.


Stay Tuned...

I lost a bet

I don't want to hear any bullshit about the logo. It will come down at midnight Sunday/Monday.

John Parker Wilson is a stud, and Leigh Tiffin sucks.

Roll Tide.

A win at The Swamp next week will help heal the wounds.

Stay Tuned...

Is it hard to be a trial attorney?

There are a lot of really bad attorneys out there.

It makes me feel better about the prospects of being a trial attorney.

We just watched a 7 minute video from Court TV from a murder trial in Texas.

The woman was accused of tying her husband to "the marital bed" with neck ties and stabbing him 193 times.

She then proceeded to bury him in the backyard.

The court allowed the state to bring in the bed.

And the mattress, still covered in blood.

The video is amazing.

The defense attorney was an idiot.

The guy testifying was not even a medical expert, he was just the detective at the scene. He has no expertise to be testifying to what he believes happened.

The DA, a woman, climbs on the bed and straddles the assistant DA, a man, in order to demonstrate.

Then she gets off him, leaving the guy tied to the bed. I hope he didn't get...you know...excited.

The woman claimed she was an abused spouse, and that she didn't know what else to do.

She lured her husband to the marital bed.

This was not the kind of stabbing that the man expected that night.

Too much?

My bad.

The woman got 25-years in prison. Who'd have guessed she would be convicted after a presentation like that.

I was so nervous about the prospects of being an attorney and having to stand in a court room and perform for a jury.

Then I watch more and more video of real attorneys in real trials (not the stuff on TV and in the Movies) and I realized that I am ALREADY a better attorney than 60% of the people practicing law.

Now I'm excited to get in the court room. Sure, it will take a couple of years to really get the experience necessary to be a star.

Still, from day 1 you have very little to worry about in terms of being embarrassed.

They say it takes 20-25 cross examinations to really understand how to execute it properly.

Here is the key: Stop when you get a great answer.

Even if there are some other little things you'd like to hit. If you get the witness to say something particularly good, stop for about 3 seconds to get everyone's attention (silence will always get everyone's attention) and say "Nothing further your honor."

Don't say "I have no further use for this witness," because the jury will think you're a snide bastard.

That's the one thing I am worried about. I am a snide bastard, and its often very difficult for me to hide that.

Speaking of the word bastard, the following is from Peter's testimony in an episode of Family Guy:

Peter: Sometimes it's appropriate to swear.

Bailiff: Do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth so help you God?

Peter: I do . . . You bastard.

That is Federal Rule of Evidence 603 hard at work...

Stay Tuned...

TV Reviews v. 1

Before you judge me, please note that I have a DVR and insomnia. I tape these shows by setting the season to record weeks in advance, and then in the middle of the night (and middle of the afternoon when I get out of class) try to catch up. Its my novocaine. Don't judge. TV is a great release.

Shows you should check out:

Studio 60:
NBC, Monday 10:00 Eastern.

The latest television project by Aaron Sorkin. Staring Amanda Peat, Matthew Perry, Stephen Weber (yes of Wings) and Bradley Whitford. The premise is that Studio 60 (which is basically Saturday Night Live) is being run into the ground, and NBS (the broadcasting company) have to fire the former producer after an on-air meltdown. Perry and Whitford write and direct movies, but because of a positive drug test, are going to be out of work for 18 months. They also used to be writers for Studio 60. Now they have been asked to take over the show entirely. To make things more complicated, Perry has an ex-girlfriend on the cast of Studio 60. Amanda Peat is the new head of NBS, and Weber is the asshole president of the company. Long story short, Sorkin is a great writer, maybe the best I've ever seen (when it comes to dialog at least). The cast is strong, and the first episode was good. Sorkin loves to take a "behind the scenes" look at things, a la West Wing and Sports Nite and does it very well.

Justice:
Fox, Wednesday 9:00 Eastern.

This is being billed as "doing for lawyers what House did for Doctors." The show is well done. Kerr Smith plays a young stud defense attorney with the firm of TNT&G. The basics are that there is a team of 4 lawyers who make up a big Hollywood defense firms. All the big news stories involving murder ultimately end up with the firm. It is visually impressive, using a lot of technology and CGI to tell the story of trial. Warren Zevon's Lawyers, Guns, and Money is featured in the opening credits, which is excellent. The show is good. Slightly predictable. Thus far they haven't lost, nor have they defended someone who is guilty. That's the big catch with the show. At the end of the episode, after you get a Jury Verdict, they show you what "actually happened". It is an interesting approach, and the show is fun to watch. They finally (in week 4) began to develop some characters beyond just being attorneys. This is produced by Jerry Brukheimer, so, that lends some credibility to it. Its worth checking out. I enjoy it because I can practice my objections to all the obnoxiously improper things they say in court.

Nip/Tuck:
FX, Tuesday 10:00 Eastern.

Nip/Tuck returns for a fourth season. Not a lot needs to be said. One of the best shows on TV. Its too hot for basic cable, so FX carries it for Fox. It could only be improved by moving to HBO. Two plastic surgeons dealing with the drama of life, business, and sex in Miami. What more can you ask for? The show is taking some interesting turns. Christian Troy is being portrayed as potentially gay. Sean and Julia are having a handicapped child. MacNamerra/Troy has been sold to a new owner, Matt and Kimber are practicing Scientology, and Mario Lopez has joined the cast as a rival plastic surgeon. If you haven't seen this show, go rent season 1. Then rent season 2. Then when you finish, rent season 3. Then catch up as quick as you can with Season 4 (we are three weeks into the season) and next week is going to be crazy.

Heros:
NBC, Monday 9:00 Eastern.

This show has not premiered, but they gave away free downloads of the first episode on iTunes and I got a chance to check it out. Basically the show is about "human potential" and "genetic mutation". Its unclear where they are going with the show, but the characters are all "normal people" who suddenly (and coincidentally around the same time) find out they have special abilities. One guy in Japan can break the space-time continuum and teleport. One guy who is running for NY City Council can fly. One guy, an artist, can predict the future through his paintings. Another girl in the mid-west cannot be injured (she jumps off 70 foot platforms, walks through fire, mangles her hand in the disposals, etc.), a cop who can read minds, etc. You get the idea. The first episode is well done, and it appears to be an attempt to create a drama of "inter-twined people wrapped up in a large scale mystery" much like Lost. This is a theme that is developing on TV. Everyone is trying to write a crazy, complex, confusing drama to recreate the appeal of Lost.

Other shows that have started but need no review:

Family Guy
Fox, Sundays, 9:00 Eastern

American Dad
Fox, Sundays, 8:30 Eastern

War at Home
Fox, Sundays, 9:30 Eastern

The Simpsons
Fox, Sundays, 8:00 Eastern

House
Fox, Tuesday, 9:00 Eastern

How I Met Your Mother
NBC, Monday, 8:30 Eastern

Shows that start this week or next:

Lost
ABC, Wednesday 9:00 Eastern
Begins Oct 4.

Third season promises to be just as intense as the first two. Similar to Nip/Tuck if you have missed this show, go rent it immediately!

Grey's Anatomy
ABC, Thursdays 9:00 Eastern
Begins Sept 21.

Season three starts tomorrow, and promises to be more of the same. The characters are likeable (except the main character, ironically). The show is fun though, and pretty light hearted even in its tense moments.

My Name is Earl
NBC, Thursday 8:00 Eastern
Begins Sept 21.

Jason Lee is back as Earl. Earl is white trash that has discovered the value of karma. Its funny stuff.

The Office
NBC, Thursday, 8:30 Eastern
Begins Sept 21.

Its not the British version, but its still good. Watch it.

Shows premiering that I am curious about but haven't seen:

Six Degrees
NBC, Thursday, 10:00 Eastern
Begins Sept. 21

Kidnapped
NBC, Wednesday, 10:00 Eastern
Begins Sept. 20

The Nine
ABC, Wednesday, 10:00 Eastern
Begins Oct. 4.

Smith
CBS Tuesdays, 10:00 Eastern
Begins Sept. 19

Friday Night Lights
NBC Tuesdays 8:00 Eastern
Begins Oct. 3.

Thirty Rock
NBC, Wednesday, 8:00 Eastern
Begins Oct. 11.

Twenty Good Years
NBC, Wednesday, 8:30 Eastern
Begins Oct. 11.

So, there you have it. My take on this falls TV schedule. I'll review some other stuff as I get time.

You can tell that I am bored tonight.

Someone save me from myself!

Stay Tuned...

Things that are wrong with America v. 2

Dubai Ports -

Six months ago, we were told (in the midst of a political fire storm) that Dubai Ports would sell their share in 6 major US seaports security to a US corporation.

This was done by republicans in an effort to quell concerns about the security of our ports.

Experts believe that the ports are the soft underbelly of the US security as is.

It worked, the uproar was silenced, the political heat that drove W's poll numbers into the ground was quelled, and Americans (as they always do) went right back to their TV, forgetting they ever faced this issue.

Here we are though, 6 months later, 48 days from the Mid-Term Elections and...wait for it...drum roll...Dubai Ports still owns the entire company!

They've asked congress for a 6 week extension for the sale.

The Carlyle Group is looking at purchasing the company. You know these international complex transactions can be...well...complex.

The Moral of the story, Americans are going to be duped into ignoring this miscarriage of political promise by the G.O.P. and this will probably be a non-issue in the next two months as we approach the election.

I don't know if you guys are watching, but this election is important. Our system is much safer with mixed government. The G.O.P. believed this in 1994, and made the American people believe it. Can the same party now convince us that they we're wrong?

Stay Tuned...

Enough about the damned picture

I thought it was a good picture!

I was pleased with the way it turned out.

Molly and I looked like we were having fun.

I looked pretty skinny.

My beard wasn't really think.

Good picture.

But no.

You guys just couldn't let go of the fact that I was wearing an ORANGE shirt.

If you had bothered to read anything I've written, you'd have seen that I wore orange for about thirty minutes when I first went to the party.

I figured "Well, I hate both teams. This is probably the one and only opportunity I have to just go along with everyone and have fun instead of constantly butting heads with people about my Tide."

I put the TEXAS BURNT ORANGE shirt on, with an Alabama shirt underneath it. It was like a crimson condom. That way I wasn't really wearing orange. And I wouldn't catch trashy which is a disease that inflicts all fans of orange (see also: Auburn, Florida, UT).

I also had my Alabama hat on. There was no doubt regarding my allegiances. You could read the "ALABAMA" through my polo for gods sakes!


Well, after a half-hour and three strong drinks, I began to curse the color orange. I was watching the LSU/Auburn game, yelling "fuck Auburn" about every third play.

I took the polo off, and promptly lost it at the party.

I hate UT.

I rooted for Florida, in the UT student section, decked out in Crimson. Can you imagine?

Not only that, there was a RIOT outside the stadium before the game, and my drunk-ass got separated from my friends. So here I was, surrounded by 10,000 UT students, on their way into the biggest game of their season, and I was decked out in crimson.

Don't you dare question my allegiances.

The Bear may have rolled over in his grave, but only because we can't score a damned touchdown.

Roll Tide.

Did you hear me?

Roll Tide!!

Stay Tuned...

My mission to kill my computer dependency

It is time.

Enough is Enough.

The computer only makes my life worse.

Sure, its great to be able to chat with friends, or take notes in class, or even read sports stories.

It is not great to fuel obsessions, drama, and general social flames with the idle time spent online.

I keep making myself worse, just when I think I'm getting better.

Not that people don't facilitate my misery.

I'm sure its not intentional.

Its not like people should censor what they write on their wall, or profile just because they know I'll see it.

If they were going out of there way to write things that they know I'd see, and know would upset me...they can burn in hell.

Aside:
I am not a "hell" person, but some crimes are punishable by such drastic measures.

Stealing someone's girlfriend/boyfriend.

sabotage of someone's academic pursuits.

Kicking someone after they were down, but were kind of standing back up again.

All of these things of course, carry a requisite culpable mental state. Accidents happen, I acknowledge that as well as anyone, but if you do these things knowingly or intentionally, enjoy the warm seat in hell.

So, there you have it. I have a standard now for sending people to hell.

It will certainly expand.

Maybe I'll try to put up "things that will get you sent to hell" as a regular feature on this blog.

I don't know if you knew this or not, but I do have that authority.

It was recently given to me.

I'll try not to abuse it.

You should do the same.

I just work to damned hard to be sabotaging myself the way I do on the internet. Those of you who care, I am now on a mission. I seek to limit my computer use to checking sports news, talking to people when I actually have something to talk about, and most importantly, not checking facebook.

The one caveat is that I plan to write here a lot more. I know that seems bizarre, and perhaps a contradiction to this so-called-mission, but it is a great release for me. I might be curt at times, maybe even rude. I'll do my best to be anonymous with it though, as it is not my place to point fingers and name names. (Plus, quite a few of you seem to really enjoy reading what I have to say, and I can't be disappointing my fans!)

God help me.


Stay Tuned...