What is ALABAMA FOOTBALL

(this is not my original work, but still brings goosebumps)

It is Wallace Wade.

It is Frank Thomas.

It is Bear Bryant.

It is Gene Stallings.

It is now Mike Shula.

It is NOT Bobby Bowden, "Fat" Phil Fulmer or Dennis Franchione.

It is the Rose Bowl.

It is knowing the ONLY time Auburn can successfully beat you, is in your years of decline.

It is the Third Saturday In October Bowl.

It is the Iron Bowl.

It is naming your children and pets after former Alabama players and coaches.

It is living for the fall.

It is seeing strangers greeting you with a "Roll Tide," any time, or any place across the world.

It is having respect for anyone you see wearing Alabama attire, or anything in relation to Alabama.

It's traveling to the game and passing cars, having the passengers wave at you and giving you the thumbs up.

It's the cars lined up, miles and miles down the road traveling to the game, just as you are.

It's the feeling of anticipation as you enter into the biggest and most exciting town during the college football season, seeing tailgaters lined up down the street, miles and miles away from the football stadium.

It's making friends with every stranger you run across tailgating.

It's being at the games along with over 93,000 people, all cheering for the same team you do, and it's the feeling of being with over 93,000 of the nicest and most mutual fans you'll find anywhere.

It's after the games, thousands, millions almost seeming, of people parading the streets, all slapping you high five's and giving you "Roll Tide's."

It's leaving the games and traveling home, stopping at gas stations all over the state, and fans yelling "Roll Tide" and coming up and chatting with you about the game we all just witnessed.

It is hearing Keith Jackson call an Alabama game.

It is a feeling undescribable to others.

It is watching George Teague running down Lamar Thomas in the 1993 Sugar Bowl then rewinding it and watching it again.

It is hearing the first notes of Sweet Home Alabama.

It is the desire to beat Auburn at any competitive event that exists.

It is a houndstooth hat.

It is being "Dixie's Football Pride"

It is having enough pride to FIGHT for your school but having enough CLASS not to.

It is cheering the same amount for a first down on second and 6 as on fourth and 1.

It is watching Cornelius Bennett give Notre Dame quarterback Steve Beuerlein a concussion on that October day in Birmingham in 1986.

It is determining who you are going to date & marry by which team they swear allegiance to.

It is beating Florida in the SEC title when everone said the game in "The Swamp" was a fluke.

It is watching The Bear on the jumbotron before a game in Bryant-Denny Stadium and almost literally seeing him leaning against the goalpost in the end zone.

It is right behind God and family.

It is spending a day at The Bryant Museum and still not seeing everything.

It is cool crisp autumn Saturdays where you can smell football in the air and feel it whenever there is a slight breeze.

It is watching The Bear get number 315 against Auburn.

It is watching The Bear get number 323 against Illinois.

It is hearing Paul Kennedy do the play-by-play when Van Tiffin kicked the 52-yard field goal against Auburn in 1985.

It is remembering the feeling of the upper deck at legion field rumling due to feet stomping.

It is knowing how many days until the start of a season year around.

It is driving down Colonial Drive to see Bryant-Denny Stadium NOT the sorority girls.

It is getting chills up and down your entire body whenever you hear anything about the 1993 Sugar Bowl and the pride you feel because that night tradition ruled.

It is hearing The Bear's voice and having all the hair on the back of your neck stand straight up because even though not everyone knows what he said, everyone knows it was something special.

It is hearing The Million Dollar Band play "Yea Alabama" and knowing it just does not get any better.

It is imagining hearing Penn State Quarterback Chuck Fusina ask Alabama linebacker Barry Krauss "How close is it?" and hearing Krauss say "About an inch, you'd better pass" right before fourth down during The Goal Line Stand in the 1979 Sugar Bowl.

It is coming to tears whenever Alabama loses to Auburn or Tennessee.

It is The Kick. It is The Goal Line Stand. It is The Desperation Block.

It is PURPOSELY not wearing any clothes with the colors orange and blue.

It is the Third Saturday in October.

It is not needing an alarm clock on game days, you sit bolt upright in the bed long before the alarm goes off because you know that it is a gameday, you can sleep after the game.

It is walking into a stadium and knowing Alabama will win the game no matter who they are playing because is just the way it is supposed to be.

It is the saying "Offense wins games, Defense wins national titles."

It is the Bear Bryant 'A'.

It is getting to the stadium hours before the game just to be there.

It is walking into another team's stadium and having those fans HATE you because you are from ALABAMA.

It is the pride that a father has when he brings his children to a game so they may cherish the tradition.

It is the hit by Roman Harper in the 2005 against Tennessee that meant everthing.

It is beating LSU in Baton Rouge.

It is hearing the crunch as a linebacker dressed in crimson and white hits a running back dressed in orange and blue.

It is the pride you take in being EVERY team's rival.

It is pulling for ANY team that is playing Auburn.

It is pulling for ANY team that is playing Tennessee.

It is singing Rammer Jammer PERIOD.

It is hoping for the stadium to blow up when Auburn plays Tennessee.

It is knowing that the SEC Championship is a birthright.

It is being respected and feared at the same time.

It is holding up four fingers at the end of the third quarter.

It is not caring about a Heisman Trophy.

It is knowing what "Mama Called" means.

It is whipping Auburn 31-7 in Jordan-Hare Stadium when nobody picked you to win.

It is knowing that no matter how hard Auburn tries, they will NEVER be as respected as Alabama.

It is NOT "The Jungle"

It is The Catch.

It is having 21 SOUTHEASTERN CONFERENCE TITLES.

It is having 12 NATIONAL TITLES.

It is more than can EVER be mentioned in this list.

It is class.

It is tradition.

IT IS ALABAMA FOOTBALL.

Stay Tuned...

Lawyers rule...

Funniest Video I've seen in a LONG time

Lawyers rule...

Basically these two are about to have sex, but they stop to get "protection" in the form of a Sexual Consent form.

They also have representation.





This is worth the three and a half minutes for a few good laughs.

Stay Tuned...

Things that are wrong with America v. 4

Its taken me a while, but we finally got to FOX NEWS.

There is obviously something missing from the image I found and that would be the tag line.

We report, you decide.

Fair and Balanced

You see how, if they say that its fair and balanced, it clearly is.

It also implys that other networks are not fair, or not balanced.

Brilliant.

How about the "We report, you decide" tag.

They are right.

They report what they want you to know.

You decide to take the side that you were presented because its all you were presented.

Fox News has three distinct types of viewers.

Category 1 Fox News Viewers:

Fox News is their only source of news.

Fox News represents their political views.

Fox News provides them with a world view that validates their way of life.

They are oblivious to the fact that what comes out of Sean Hannity's mouth is not always true.

They are oblivious to the notion that Fox news is truly the voice of the right.

They belive that CNN is the liberal media.

They are generally lower middle class.

They are white.

They are not educated beyond high school and some college.

They vote Republican.

Category 2 Fox News Viewers:

They are democrats.

They watch Fox News for two reasons: (1) It infuriates them and allows them to blindly support the left in an effort to keep people like this out of power, and (2) It provides a rare glempse into the psyche of the enemy.

They don't believe a word that comes out of Sean Hannity's mouth.

They yell at Bill O'Reilly.

They generally spend their Fox News viewing time comparing it to what they read in the New York Times or watching CNN.

They are generally middle/upper Middle class.

They are generally well educated.

They are not easily racially profiled.

Category 3 Fox News Viewers:

This is the most dangerous group of viewers.

Fox News represents their political views.

Fox News provides them with a world view that validates their way of life.

They are Republicans.

They are fully aware that Fox News is neither fair, nor balanced.

They recognize the one-sided reporting because they take the time to read other news sources.

They are thrilled to see Fox "spin" the daily news because it helps assure that Category 1 viewers vote with the G.O.P.

They have a passing interest in the truth.

They believe that news is a form of entertainment, and that Fox is free to express the news as they see fit "within the facts"

They are willing to let the "within the facts" thing go sometimes, when its good for the party.

They are upper middle class, and upper class.

They are very well educated.

They are white.

They have voted straight ticket Republican since Regan ran against Carter.

Its a nasty set of circumstances.

Category 2 viewers are distrusted by the Category 1 viewers, and therefore have no chance of having rational conversation with them in hopes of helping them from Plato's Cave.

Category 2 viewers aren't powerful enough to compete with Category 3 viewers when put in head-to-head matchups for the toss-up Category 1 viewer.

Category 1 viewers listen to Category 3 viewers because Category 3 viewers represent who Category 1 viewers wish they were. They believe that by agreeing with Category 3 viewers, they too will become Category 3 viewers in time.

Category 3 viewers are out to protect their interests. Fuck Category 2 and Category 1 viewers.

Clearly yesterdays little labeling incident was a good indication of the type of network we're dealing with here.

Can you imagine what a Category 1 viewer in the I-4 corridor of Florida might think when the ONLY news they see this week is this:



Exactly the kind of "mistake" that the Category 3 viewers and G.O.P. friends of Fox want these limited news viewers to see.

[In trashy central Florida voice]
Wow, look 'sis, another Democrat caught in a sex scandal, I'm sure glad that we vote for the good christians in the Republican party!
[End trashy central Florida voice]

I've been accused of being a "liberal elitest" and I'm going to go out on a limb and say this post won't dispell that notion...

I am not here to say that CNN gets it right, or that N.P.R. is the way to get your news, or that the Jew York Times is the premier source of un-biased information.

All I am saying here is that Fox News is fucked up and it continues to amaze me that they are legally allowed to broadcast.

I'm becoming unfocused, best to cut this off before I get totally disjointed.

You see what Fox News does to me?!?

God I hate them.

Stay Tuned...

Thanks Everybody!

I just wanted to take a minute and thank you, the reader.

I wrote in this blog for a while in the spring, and I had an audience of a few classmates that were as bored in Parker's Torts class as I was.

Bored enough to read what I had to say.

I suppose I can thank Facebook for the exposure, but I want to thank all of you who have taken the time to tell me you're reading.

I chalk it up to the same boredom my classmates were subject too, but it is still really cool to know I have some kind of audience.

I'll do my best to keep you entertained and informed!

Thanks for all the feedback, and thanks for reading!

Stay Tuned...

Its like watching your civil liberties slowly die...

See, Ben is angry too. Trust me, you wouldn't like Ben when he is angry...

John Yoo has a new book out, War By Other Means.

Yoo was an attorney for the Bush Administration before recently leaving office to pursue other options.

One of those options apparently, is signing lucrative book deals.

Today, in Arizona, President Bush will sign into law a new set of [cue 1984 references] "Homeland Security" regulations.

700 miles of fences to be constructed along the Mexican border in a conveniently located "toss up" state of Arizona.

More importantly, there are changes being made to our "Enemy Combatant" procedures.

If you are a U.S. Citizen, you can be secretly arrested as an "Enemy Combatant".

Once this happens, you will be detained at one of our fine, club-med'esque facilities in the Caribbean. Cuba maybe?

Don't worry American, you will get your day in court. Kind of.

You will get an opportunity to have a "hearing" in which you may make your argument that you are not an Enemy Combatant.

Yoo claims that this is all very similar to our Criminal Procedure.

There are a few differences:

1. You will not have an opportunity to review the evidence against you if it is classified.
- This is a matter of National Security. Its always classified.

2. You will not have an opportunity to post bail while you await your "hearing"

3. If, at this hearing, you are determined to be an Enemy Combatant, you will have no right to a trial.

4. The only way you can get a full trial is if the President or Secretary of Defense decides to grant one.

5. You can be held without trial, as a U.S. Citizen, until the "End of Hostilities"
- This refers the "War on Terror" -- Not the war in Iraq, so you're in for the long haul.

This seems to discard any Civil Rights that have been established under the U.S. Constitution.

Thats okay, I think these "Amendments" were really just kind of...guidelines...suggestions if you will.

Like this archaic notion - The 5th Amendment:

- "No person shall be held to answer for a capital, or otherwise infamous crime, unless on a presentment or indictment of a Grand Jury, except in cases arising in the land or naval forces, or in the Militia, when in actual service in time of War or public danger."

- "No person...shall...be deprived of life, liberty, or property, without due process of law."

(emphasis added)

That stuff is silly though, right?

I'd sacrifice that for...um...the opportunity to feel safe when I go to the local Wal-Mart.

Wait, I don't feel safe there, and it has nothing to do with 9-11 and Terrorist!

There is another Amendment, pejoratively called the "Sixth" which has some interesting things to say:

- "The accused shall enjoy the right to a speedy and public trial, by an impartial jury of the State or district wherein the crime shall have been committed."

- "The accused shall enjoy the right...to be informed of the nature and cause of action."

- "The accused shall enjoy the right...to be confronted with witnesses against him."

What happens if someone is innocent.

Are we willing to put an innocent U.S. Citizen in a secret military prison for an indefinite amount of time without a trial?

Yoo, being the talking-head that he is explains:
(Note: this is a take from a series of statements in his interview on N.P.R. [national politburo radio] this morning)

- Inevitably, innocent people will end up in jail.

- In war, sometimes there is collateral damage, sometimes we will strike the wrong target, or in striking a target innocent people will be killed.

- The same thing happens in our Criminal Justice system.

- Its not a good outcome, and we could do better, but it would be too expensive.

You see, one of the biggest problem with interpretation of the Constitution is trying to ascertain the "intent" of the writers.

That is not a problem on the issue of American Citizens right to a trial...

I know its cliche, but there is a very good reason that Ben Franklin, a founding father and an author of the U.S. Constitution, said these words:

"They that can give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety."

If people believe we are safer because of these changes, they are living in a state of denial and delusion.

If you want to know what the "intent" of the founding fathers was, we are fortunate to have a DIRECT QUOTE on the matter.

You want more?

Alexander Hamilton, in 1788 said the following:

"The friends and adversaries of the plan of the constitutional convention, if they agree in nothing else, concur at least in the value they set upon trial by jury; the former regard it as a valube safeguard to liberty; the latter represent it as the very palladium of free government"

Mr. Franklin and Mr. Hamilton were right.

We 'ought be cautious how much we are willing to give up to preserve are "way of life"; Otherwise we will one day find ourselves without that "way of life" not by the hands of Terrorists, but by the hands of our own Government.

And you can quote me on that.

Stay Tuned...

Stop "Bringing Sexy Back", seriously.

Look, its not funny.

Justin Timberlake sounds like a woman in the song.

Its not cute to say "X is bringing sexy back"

You're not Stuart Scott.

You're not Linda Cohn.

You're not the [Adult Swim] writing staff.

Those are the only people who have my blessing to break out "sexy back" and still be funny.

Stop doing it.

Rex Grossman is not bringing sexy back.

Mark Foley is definitely not bringing sexy back.

and Justin Timberlake will never bring sexy back with that pitch, bitch voice.

The only person who consistently brings sexy back...

Me.

In this blog.

A few times a day.

Take 'em to the bridge.
(and throw them off)


Stay Tuned...

Party of Morals v. 2

No joke, I'll be brief.

Former Rep. Mark Foley has the audacity now, at his time of great shame, to turn around and accuse the CLERGY of molesting him when he was a child.

So...this party of morals, who's vocal base is church-going, bible toting conservatives watches one of their own not only go down as a result of a sexual misconduct scandal but then turn around and pass the buck to the church.

This is typical of the G.O.P.

First its "I didn't do anything wrong."

Then its "I did it, but it wasn't my fault."

This party lacks any form of responsibility:

Fiscal Responsibility?

NOPE

Personal responsibly?

NOT IN HERE

Responsible Foreign Policy?

WE WOULD PREFER ARMAGEDDON, BUT ONLY BECAUSE WE MISS JESUS

Responsible Domestic Policy?

HEALTH INSURANCE IS OVERRATED...

Responsible Sexual Practices?

ONLY WITH LITTLE BOYS...

Come on people, pay attention.

Don't let them do this again!

Q: Why don't republicans use bookmarks?

A: They prefer to bend over their pages

(thanks Furrow)

Stay Tuned...