Sold!

Ran into a guy today at the Apple store who was buying 5 iPhones!

Told him my situation...

Yada, Yada, Yada...

He bought my phone.

It no longer sits on my desk taunting me.

My bank account and pride, however, are not yet healed.

Stay Tuned...

Failed the Bar & Grill, Monday at 8/7c

Coming to NBC next fall, the story of recent law graduates without a real job...

Follow the gang as they deal with the misadventures of failed law aspirations and overcooked filets at your favorite local pub, Failed the Bar & Grill.

Simultaneous to the launch of the show will be the opening of the very first Failed the Bar & Grill in Knoxville, Tennessee.

Enjoy such delicious items as:

Opening Statements: All your favorite Bar food!

The Jury Sampler - all 12 of our delicious appetizers on one plate! A word of warning, the choice of sauce must be unanimous at your table!

Title VII Nacho's - with multicolored tortilla chips and a non-discriminatory array of toppings!

The PMBR & Jelly Sandwich - Only $800 if you order before October 11th!

California Crab Cakes - Unlike crab cakes in any other jursidiction!

Case-in-Cheif: Tasty dishes to meet that burden!

The Chief Justice Warren Earl Burger - a 1/2lb of fresh angus beef, garnished with Lemon and Roe!

Bifurcated Fajitas - perfect for sharing!

Res Ipsa Lasagna - So good, the thing speaks for itself.

Strict Scrutiny Spagetti - This dish is narrowly tailored to serve the compelling interest of your hunger.

Trade Secret Tartar - What's in this dish? We'll never tell!

Chapter 7 Curry - It will liquify your assets!

The Wrongful Termination T-Bone - 22 ounces, available at-will! Don't worry if you can't finish it, we can always wrap it up in one of our severance packages.

Closing Arguments: Finish your deliberations with one of our famous desserts!

Raspberry Tort, a common law favorite!

Decadence per se - A cake so rich that it violates the T.C.A.

Joint & Several Pie - It doesn't matter how you divide it up, as long as the whole thing gets eaten!

Stare Decisis Sundae - It hasn't changed in years.

Cake of First Impression - We promise you've never seen cake like this before!

Also join us for our Hypothetical Happy Hour where we never discriminate on the basis of age. Find your way to voluntary intoxication with our famous punitive punch, and the full array of culpable cocktails like the knowing kamakazis, intentional irish carbombs, reckless rum & coke, and negligent sex on the beach!

So come on down to Failed the Bar & Grill and judge for yourself!

Note: We are taking applications. We are an equal opportunity employer, we do not discriminate on the basis of GPA.

Stay Tuned...


("Failed the Bar & Grill" is copyright of Jonathan Louis May and not to be used without the expressed written permission of this blog - October 2, 2007.)

If you are going to buy an iPhone...

Talk to me first! I know the price dropped, but I had two international buyers on ebay SCREW me and I still have 1 iPhone that I paid almost $660 for.

If you are thinking about buying an iPhone, consider buying it from me.

I will sell it to you at the current cost ($400 + tax) and you still get the same warranty from apple either way.

The other perk of buying it from me? You will get a $100 IN STORE CREDIT for the phone, since the receipt (which I will provide as well) says it was purchased at the original price. That is WAY better than buying in the store.

It is new, in the original sealed package - never opened or used.

Someone please help me out? I can't just eat the cost of this phone entirely, and I'm already going to have to eat a huge portion.

Stay Tuned...

"Don't Tase Me, Bro!"

Andrew Meyer, of video infamy and for being the man to coin the phrase "Don't tase me, bro!" has helped to highlight a growing concern about the legality of tasers being used by police officers to incapacitate suspects.

Mr. Meyer was attending a speech at the University of Florida last month when he asked Senator Kerry a question about his affiliation with "Skull and Bones" a legendary and revered secret society at Yale University. He was arrested, and tased multiple times for reasons that are still unclear to this day.

I will note that some humor has come from this, and you should watch the "Can't Tase This" remix of M.C. Hammer's classic 90's rap and Mr. Meyer's plea in this video.

A Taser works like this:

The Taser X26 (Taser, Scottsdale, AZ) is an electrical conducted energy weapon that incapacitates subjects by causing pain and muscular contractions. It is widely used by police agencies throughout the United States and other countries. It delivers a series of 19 electrical shocks per second; each pulse delivers 0.36 J at up to 50,000 V. The discharge is delivered by 2 barbed metal darts that are propelled toward a suspect and remain connected to the device by insulated wires. The standard discharge time is 5 seconds, though this can be shortened or lengthened by the operator.

(from Science Direct)

Among the potential concerns with tasing are:

People who are tased when upright tend to fall over. Any resulting injuries are usually minor but at least one person has died from a head injury. The barbed tips of the Taser darts, which are around 1 centimetre long, can cause serious injuries if they strike sensitive areas such as the eye, though there have been few reports of such injuries. The intense muscle contractions can also be damaging.

A number of weeks ago an autistic child was also subjected to severe tasing when the child, unbeknownst to her, was "resisting arrest".

Recently a paraplelgic, mentally handicapped woman was tased TEN TIMES and died as a result of her injuries.

Serious questions need to be asked about the use of excessive force by police officers, and the use of tasers in general. According to Amnesty Iternational, over 40 people have been killed in the U.S. alone as a result of police instigated tasing.

At a UN committee meeting in Geneva Switzerland, a member of the U.S. Delegation was asked about the use of tasers. This is the response:

[The question] concerns the use of Tasers. The U.S. government and others are conducting extensive research into the safety and effectiveness of electro-muscular disruption devices, including Tasers. In addition, the Department of Justice works with local police agencies to assist them in their development of policies regarding the use of these devices. This policy guidance includes consideration of community acceptance, use-of-force protocols, continuous monitoring of all uses of these devices, medical response, and training.

The use of Tasers to control arrestees and inmates is consistent with the law. Courts have reviewed the application of such devices for consistency with the Eighth Amendment’s "prohibition of cruel and unusual punishment," and have upheld their legality.

Furthermore, use of Tasers often obviates the need to use other forms of more severe, or even deadly, force. Nevertheless, the Department of Justice remains committed to investigating and, where appropriate, prosecuting use of Tasers where the circumstances indicate a willful use of excessive force in violation of Constitutional standards. In addition, the Departments of Justice and Defense continue to develop less-lethal options, including novel electro-muscular devices that may provide improved safety and effectiveness to law enforcement and military personnel.

While the courts have thus far upheld the use of tasers as an effective tool of law enforcement, we are about to see a series of suits brought against state and local officials that will test that theory. The police departments of this country have through guidelines for the use of force, and it would appear that the standards currently in place concerning the use of tasers is due to be revised.

There will be a lot of issues to look at as this moves forward. What of state immunity under the Eleventh Amendment? Certainly if you sue a local police department that will not be an issue, but a state trooper may bring about questions of abrogating that immunity. Further, will the officer be individually liable for the decision to use force? Often there is a (justifiable) tendency to yield to the decision making process of an officer in the line-of-fire, so to speak, because they have the best ability to evaluate the circumstances and make a decision based on the safety of themselves, the suspect, and the bystanders.

There is a lot of material out there on this, and for your reference, I will include a series of links and articles for more information:

State Department Q/A referenced above;

Amnesty International;

Concerns Raised over Taser Saftey at NewScientist.com;

Why Police Should Show Restraint With the Taser at NewScientist.com:

Thoracic Compression Fractures as a Result of Shock From a Conducted Energy Weapon: A Case Report from Science Direct.


Stay Tuned...

Evidence, Innocence, and Baseball

Thats right...hang your head in shame...

The "breaking news" of St. Louis Cardinals pitcher-turned-outfielder Rick Ankiel's "HGH" use is dominating todays sports headlines. There is one problem with that. The story is that Ankiel was receiving shipments of HGH to his Florida home from January to December 2004. Major League Baseball (for better or for worse) did not outlaw HGH use by its players until the 2005 season. In fact, there is no evidence thus far that Ankiel has used HGH since the league banned it. So why is this such a story?

This story, while different in many respects, represents a serious problem with our nations media outlets. It applies to your "traditional outlets" (i.e. CNN, ABC, etc.) as much as it does to your "specialized outlets" (i.e. ESPN, Fox Sports, etc.) or even your "alternative outlets" (i.e. the internet). Even in the absence of hard evidence, the media was prepared to crucify the entire Duke Lacrosse team. Hell, if the ratings were there, they'd have probably put Coach K up there too. The result of the media frenzy? A prosecutor feeds off the blood, fame, and attention and presses a case that had no business being brought.

While there is not legal action being mentioned in regards to Rick Anikel, this entire story is linked to the investigation of a Florida pharmacy that is rumored to have been supplying these steroids to baseball players. The relevance? Every single fact in this story falls with in the bounds of "well, it wasn't banned at the time...but shame on you anyways!" The media is violating one of the cardinal principles (no pun intended, of course) of the Constitution. The prohibition on ex post facto laws. The government cannot charge Ankiel in court. The league cannot suspend him from playing. The press should focus on real stories and stop feeding the frenzy. We just end up with irresponsible prosecutors seeking glory.

Ankiel has been one of the best stories of the 2007 season. I say that while fully acknowledging the carnal pleasure I took in his meltdown, being a Braves fan and all. The Cardinals have overcome so much this season to find themselves only 1 game-back of the division leading Brewers and Cubs. Why do we have to drag that team through the mud now? Like Cardinals GM Walt Jocketty said, "If it's true, obviously it would be very tragic, along with everything else we've had happen to us this year." Is that true? Would it be tragic to find out that before it was banned and over three years ago a minor league pitcher/outfielder was using a supplement? What effect would that really have on the 2007 St. Louis Cardinals. What effect would that have on the record of the 2004 Class A "fill-in-the-blank's"? The answer should be "zero, zip, zilch, none, nada" because it is irrelevant. Ankiel has still overcome so much. He has still hit .358 with 9 HRs and 29 RBIs and almost single-handedly changed the fortunes of that baseball team. And that is in 2007.

Stay Tuned...

Delaware Student Fights for 1st Amendment Rights

The case is Murakowski v. University of Delaware and the complaint (filed 07/30/2007)can be found here. Murakowski was a student at UD who operated a "humor blog" that handled some racy subjects and relied upon a very specific type of off-color humor. He joked about killing people, degrading women, and more.

In the wake of the Va. Tech shootings, the University of Delaware decided it was time to take action and Suspended the plaintiff. Murakowski is suing in District Court for re-instatement.

This case is just getting started, but it will be an interesting test case for freedom of speech. Parody has often been a protected form of speech, however we are entering into an area in this case which puts a lot of pressure on the administration to make highly individualized determinations about what is parody, and what is a sign of potential danger.

Is it reasonable for the court to ask College Administrators to be the gate-keeper for what is humorous and what is a threat? Is it reasonable for the courts to be the body responsible for setting these standards? How much freedom is too much? How graphic and disturbing can "tongue-in-cheek" humor be before it is indistinct from hate-speech and fodder for ignorant masses of hateful people? I don't envy the trial judge in this matter.

Lets get some feedback here - your comments are welcome and encouraged!

A link to the full story can be found here.

Stay Tuned...

Aw, is that the biggest blade you've got?

Now keep in mind this preface as you read my story: Random people tend to want to fight me without obvious provocation. Dedicated readers will remember an incident at Bailey's last year involving a cripple and a football player. I digress. I don't know what it is about me. Maybe people can tell I'm a smartass just by looking at me. Who knows.

Anyhow the preface is this "I know that I have a way of getting myself into these situations, but I don't believe this is one of them."

So, this evening Matt and I are driving back to my place from Sequoia Hills. Its around 12:15. We were gonna smoke some cigars and watch a movie, play some pool/ping-pong (thats right, the new house is loaded with bar games, so come-one-come-all to West Knoxville) and just generally chill.

We're pulling up to the light at Kingston Pike and Northshore, heading West. There is a car stopped at the red light ahead of me about 30 yards, and I'm getting cash out of my wallet so that Lamberth can grab me some cigarettes. I wasn't wearing a shirt for no particular reason. Showing off I guess.

Well, I'm slowly rolling towards the light and I hear someone honk behind me. They are RIGHT on my ass. I can't see much, but I can see its a piece-of-shit car, and a guy in the front seat with his hat cocked to the right (like the kids are doing these days) and I obviously don't know this person. He continues to roll right up on my ass and honk, and I throw my hands up with a "Whats the deal dude" gesture.

He was not amused.

He pulled into the left turn lane and pulled up next to me. Unfortunatly for him (and lending him even less credibility as a threat) he pulled up to far, so he had to roll down the passenger side rear window to yell at me. Mind you his seat was far enough back he was almost sitting in the back seat anyways (you know, like the kids are doing these days). Well, he starts yelling and I again give a friendly "What the fuck is your problem" gesture hoping perhaps this young man will explain his eratic behavior. I thought maybe he'd say "Listen Chap! Nobody, and I mean nobody, puts an Alabama sticker on their car in MY city!" or perhaps "Hey Friend, your gas tank is open, perhaps you ought to place your automobile in the parked position and step out of the car to close it. If you'd prefer, I could get that for you since you look like a nice enough fella."

Alas, I don't think that was what he was trying to say to me. Honestly, I still have no idea what he was pissed about, but I figured that the situation was tense, and I was honestly worried that he might have a gun. I looked up to see if I had "an out" i.e. a place to go if things got crazy. I didn't. I was boxed in. All I could think was "lets keep this guy calm."

Then I look over to see Lamberth demonstrating the length of his middle finger to the guy, as if to say "fuck you!" (which is actually exactly what he was saying). This made Eminem (as we will call him) very angry and in a showing of brute "badass-ness" he pulled a 3.5 inch blade and flashed it to us. At this point Lamberth and I look at each other and can't help but laugh. I mean hell, we're in a car! What's he going to do?

Well, he was in the turn lane and I, in a friendly manner mind you, indicated that perhaps he best be getting on his way. Surprisingly he did. He made the left and I thought we were done. When we drove through the interesection though, we saw him pull a U-Turn and head back towards us. He caught us two blocks later and I waited for him to get right up on us before slamming on my breaks sending him a few hundered yards past me and I turned onto my favorite back road route.

The moral of the story? There are a few I guess. First, people are fucking crazy. Second, always know some alternative routes to your house, cause hey - you never know. Third, do not pull a three inch blade on two dudes in a car. I mean seriously, even if we got out of our car (which I did a block after we had turned - to get my aluminum baseball bat) what could he really do? With my bat he couldn't have gotten close enough to cut me, and even if he got lucky and threw the PERFECT THROW and took one of us out, he was then unarmed and one of us was going to be insanely angry and dangerous - and holding a bat. Finally, people suck, don't expect anything more out of them and you won't be so heartbroken as you travel through the dangerous roads of life.

What a punk. Yo Slim Shady - if you read this (which would impress me, because nothing about my brief interaction with you indicated you can read) - come get some bitch. 8527 Carl Valentine Cir. I'll be here with my bat, and my cats, and a beating for your ass. What a joke.

Stay Tuned...