Roger Clemens, 2057

Roger Clemens shows up at Brian Cashman, Jr.'s office demanding to pitch this year. 2057.

It's a funny video.

If you have a sense of humor.

And like baseball.

And hate the Yankees.

And are in the mood to laugh at silly things.

And such.

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LOST:

(**no spoilers here**)

You did it again.

Just when I thought I might be done with you, you did it again.

Last nights season finale might have been the best two-hours of television this season.

What a welcome return to what the show used to (and is supposed to) be about.

If you're not a LOST watcher, you've got about 8 months to rent/watch Season 1 and Season 2.

I'm sure season 3 will be out just in time for christmas.

But be ready in January.

LOST is (and will be) back.

Stay Tuned...

Being a Grizzlies Fan...

It hurts.

I know, Boston Celtics, they've sure had it rough, blah blah blah.

I'm sorry, they won like 16 titles in 30 years at one point.

So its been a rough decade or two.

I feel ya, really.

But we've got it worse.

And on top of that the top 2 picks are going to the Western Conference.

This might have been it. This draft lottery, the bounce of these balls, the 25%. The 46.5%. The 35.7%.

It hurts.

What's the future of the team in Memphis now? Who's gonna coach us? Who's gonna be the GM?

Yi? Al? Corey? Mike?

They could be good basketball players. They could be great basketball players. You never know. But they won't fix things tomorrow. Or June 28. Or November 1. Or next April.

Greg, Kevin, totally could have gotten that done.

Its a tough time for Grizzles Fans. Its a tough time for the Grizzlies Organization. Now the Grizzlies, and the Fans have to ask for patience from the city. See, its one thing to get upset with the team when they make a mistake. Its easy to quit on a team when the coach is slowing things down and making the games boring. Its easy to quit on a team when they trade the wrong parts of their team for something they didn't really need.

This is not the teams fault. This one just went the other way. Karma. Fortune. Fate. Luck. Chance. It is what it is, but its not the teams fault.

We've still got a lot of good things going on here. Gasol has started to get the respect he deserves around the league, and from the press. Now he just needs to get it from the people of Memphis.

Rudy Gay showed great promise throughout the season. He started to put it together down the stretch, and he has every ounce of the potential he had a year ago.

Mike Miller has just started to come into his own the last two seasons, and he's ready to go places.

We've got the most cap room of any team in the NBA this summer (or close to it) and can go out and pick up the free agent point guard or center we need.

Did you forget how exciting it was to watch Kyle Lowry play the first 10 games?

And we still have a number 4 pick.

Yi is a seven-footer who has drawn comparisons to Dirk Nowitzki. He already speaks english, and he's got a huge following in China. You want to turn the City of Memphis around? Add 1.5 billion grizzlies fans to the tourism bottom line. That'd be nice.

Al Horford, not as exciting, but he is NBA ready. He's a good defensive player, but raw offensively. And he's a six-foot-nine power forward/center. We've got about 4 of those on our team don't we? (see also, Lawrence Roberts, Hakim Warrick, Alexander Johnson, Stromile Swift).

Mike Conley, Jr. could be a star, but 4 seems a bit high to take him.

There are other options. You think that Pau Gasol couldn't bring a talented PG and a first round pick or two? If you're going to draft a Yi, he easily replaces Pau Gasol at the power forward position.

If you do draft Yi, the question is do you play Pau at the 5 where he seems uninterested in rebounding, shot blocking, or defending the post. You'd like to think that a starting five of Free Agent PG (Billups?), Mike Miller, Rudy Gay, Yi Jianlain, and Pau Gasol could be productive.

I don't know.

I don't know what will happen to this team. Its a mess. We're going to need some luck, and we're going to need some faith from the locals, and we're going to need some more time.

But there are still a lot of good things going on here, and we'll get it together.

But its still the 4th pick.

Not the 1st.

Not the 2nd.

Not even the 3rd.

Also not the 9th.

Here are some links for your reading pleasure:
The Current Memphis Grizzlies Roster
NBADraft.net Mock Draft
NBA Draft Machine - Do It Yourself Draft
HoopsHype.com Mock Draft
Coverage by The Commercial Appeal

Stay Tuned...

The Onion

The Onion's Aaron Kaplan produces a monologue of how not to pick up women at the bar. A pretty impressive butchering of all things pick-up-line.

Full credit to our beautiful Russian "angel" for the find.

Heaven Must Be Missing An Angel Or Something To That Effect

May 2, 2007 | Issue 43•18

Excuse me, beautiful, mind if I stand next to you and do some talking? I don't mean to intrude, but I couldn't help but notice that you were sitting all alone and enjoying yourself. There's just one problem: If you're here right now, then that means heaven must be missing an angel or something to that effect. Though I doubt anyone's noticed since there are so many angels up there anyway.

I'm trying to say that you're hot.

You look pretty tired, though. Maybe it's because you've been running through my mind for a while. I think about hot women a lot, so for the purposes of this argument let's just say you were one of the ones that I'd previously been thinking about, even though we just met. Are you considering having sex with me yet? Because if not, I could ask you if it hurt when you hit the ground after falling from heaven. I know I already said the thing about you being an angel, but maybe you didn't catch it the first time. Or if you did, maybe it will seem like I'm building off that. I'm trying to tell you that you're pretty like an angel I want to sleep with, is the point.

What else is there? Oh, are you from Tennessee? Because I think you're a seven. I might have gotten that wrong, but you get the jist of it. I'm using the name of a state to express how much I'd like to see you naked, but I don't really care where you're from.

Can we just go now? All right, well then why don't you tell me your sign. I don't really believe in astrology, but maybe you do and will go home with me because I come across as open-minded for mentioning it. I think I'm a Virgo. Pisces? One of those. I'm sure we'd be good together, because you're very attractive, as I've said before, which I think is really the most important thing anyway. Speaking of which, do you have a license? Because you're driving me somewhere that's complimentary to you.

Your eyes are blue like the sky or water, whichever you prefer. And your lips are really red like—I don't know—that girl's lips over there. Also, I'd look great cumming on your shirt. Or your shirt's becoming, I mean. I want to be cumming on your shirt or in your general vicinity is what I'm getting at. I didn't quite say it right, but the sentiment is there.

So do you have a boyfriend or what? Because I don't have all night to waste on talking to you if you're dating someone.

Do you have a mirror in your pocket so I can see myself in your pants? How about a quarter, so I can call my mother and tell her I found the girl of my dreams? I'm not actually going to call her, because she's been dead for two years and it's actually up to 35 cents now anyway and I'd probably just use my cell phone, but I'll take the quarter from you if it will get you in the sack.

We should go back to my place and do some math. We'll add a bed, subtract our clothes, and do other math stuff related to fucking.

Look, it's obvious where this is leading. I'm saying all the right things and you haven't walked away yet, so let's just cut to the chase: Do you come here often? If so, would you like to go back with me to my apartment and have sex with me? What if I told you I would rearrange the alphabet for some reason? I'm thinking of asking you what you'd like for breakfast tomorrow, in the hopes that you might sleep with me because I implied that it's inevitable.

Can you see where I'm going here?

I guess I should say I think I've seen you someplace before. And I don't mean earlier, when I was staring at you. I'm pretty sure we've met in a past life or in my dreams or something, so you should feel comfortable lowering your standards around me. Also, your shoes are nice, so I'm sensitive and observant. If you really need me to, I could buy you a drink to show you I have some money and then we could do it in the bathroom.

Wait, don't go. Just one more thing. I lost my phone number. Can I have yours so I can call you later about having sex?

That guy is going home alone.

But god bless his effort huh?

SHAD-ED!!!

Stay Tuned...

Not News

Wow...breaking news - this old man is NOT BRAD PITT.

This is also, coincidentally, NOT NEWS.

Damnit CNN, you have a duty to keep the public informed and you're letting us down.


Stay Tuned...

Confederation for the Articles of said Federation v. U.S., 857 U.S. 1 (2007).

(Washington, D.C.) - In a shocking turn of events, the Supreme Court (in an opinion written by Clarence Thomas - widely believed to be the first majority opinion of his tenure) has overruled McCullough v. Maryland.

Thomas is quoted as saying "Man! Fuck stare decisis! It's all about states rights. You better let Washington D.C. know, Missouri is on its way, and it is pissed off."

Interestingly, Justice Thomas also did not take part in the decision - thats just how he rolls.

In other news, the Federal Government has been reduced to 535 bored legislators, a "confused-looking" executive, and 9 throughly amused Supreme Court Justices.

President Bush spoke with reports this afternoon. He had these remarks to share with the country at this pivotal moment:

"MCCullogh? I'm white. Are you blind?"


Dick Cheney quickly stepped in:

"This is a difficult time for us here at the White House. We were throughly prepared to eliminate states rights all together, but our unquestioned, absolute omnipotence has been interupted by the activists over at the Supreme Court."

"Once States rights were out of the way, we were prepared to take away the rest of the individual rights. I guess it is finally time to bring the troops home."

When questioned about why the troops would be brought home now, Cheney added:

"Someone's got to take this country by force, and you know damned well Dubya and I aren't the fighting type."

More to come on this breaking story.

Stay Tuned...

Cited!

Not a big deal, but exciting just the same.

My article from last week, How I "Do" Law School Exams, was cited on Connie Crosby's Blawg Review.

The second review says:

K100 - Legal education

J. Louis May discusses his method of preparing for exams in his post How I "Do" Law School Exams: at The Legal Scoop. Preparation and organization are key!

Hooray!

Stay Tuned...